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Some amusing jokes


* H9801.ZIP HUMOR 9801 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Thu 01/01/98 [from HAND!] ARE YOU A CANDIDATE FOR THE BUR
* H9802.ZIP HUMOR 9802 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Sun 02/01/98 [from Bob Crawford, via Bill's Punch Line] S
* H9803.ZIP HUMOR 9803 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Sun 03/01/98 'Have you made your peace with God?' 'I don't k
* H9804.ZIP HUMOR 9804 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Wed 04/01/98 [from the Jewish Humor List] Place and time: so
* HUMOR01.ZIP HUMOR100 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET 1. From an email message posted by Michael G. Dunnington: I was interested in your comments about playin
* HUMOR02.ZIP HUMOR200 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET 101. Does a skinny ballerina wear a one-one? 102. [From the end of a speech given by Spider Robinson] In c
* HUMOR03.ZIP HUMOR300 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET 201. From HAND! 'Have a Nice Day' #0323. To subscribe to HAND list, send message to majordomo@bapp.com, i
* HUMOR04.ZIP HUMOR4 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET **** Tuesday 2/11/97 George Washington Carver, the great botanist and educator who died more than 50 years
* HUMOR05.ZIP HUMOR5 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET ***** Sat 3/1/97 [found on http://www.infidels.org/library/humor] Now as we all know, Grace is an importan
* HUMOR06.ZIP HUMOR6 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +------------------------------------------------------------------+ ***** Tues 4/1/97 [from Amy AND Brian
* HUMOR07.ZIP HUMOR7 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +------------------------------------------------------------------+ **** Thu 5/1/97 [from a 15 year-old,
* HUMOR08.ZIP HUMOR8 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +------------------------------------------------------------------+ **** Sun 6/1/97 [From EcuLaug
* HUMOR09.ZIP HUMOR9 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Tue 7/1/97 Father, bless us according to our thankLESSne
* HUMOR10.ZIP HUMOR10 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Fri 8/1/97 [from Kitty's Daily Mews e-mail list, via 'Wi
* HUMOR11.ZIP HUMOR11 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Mon 9/1/97 [from HAND!] Q: How many Democrats does it t
* HUMOR12.ZIP HUMOR12 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Wed 10/1/97 from a thread on REHU [unmarked parts are fro
* HUMOR13.ZIP HUMOR13 file - for updates email Teresa Carrigan at CARRIGAN@WEBMART.NET +--------------------------------------+ **** Sat 11/1/97 [recycled Saint jokes for All Saints Day] Sain
* HUMOR14.ZIP HUMOR14 [h9712] file +--------------------------------------+ **** Mon 12/1/97 [from Terry Galan, via UGA Humor List] A defendant was on trial for murder in Oklahoma. There was s
* REJECT01.ZIP _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ _/ From : Neville - Durban, Kwazulu Natal, RSA _/ _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ +----------------------------
* REJECT02.ZIP [to math-oriented] _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ _/ From : Manny - Montreal, Quebec, Canada _/ _/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/ +---------------------
* REJECT03.ZIP [Brian found this one] How to identify where a driver is from: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: New York One hand on wheel, one finger out window: Chicago One hand on wheel, on
* REJECT04.ZIP 3/20/97 [By Emo Phillips, via Dean's Humor List and Wit & Wisdom] And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said 'A truck!' At my lemonade stand I used to give the fi
* REJECT05.ZIP [found on the net] Special Blessings I worked for two years as Computer Manager in the Research Office of WEC International. As I was leaving and at the same time preparing to get ma
* REJECT06.ZIP [forwarded by Brian] IMPORTANT BREAKING SESAME STREET NEWS! NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Sesame Street, has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppe
* REJECT07.ZIP [From Udi's Computer Joke List, via HAND! To subscribe to the computer joke list, send an email message to: MAJORDOMO@why-not.com message: subscribe computer-jokes] [And I won't
* REJECT08.ZIP 4/22/97 [from Uncle Scott, via 'GEOFF'S JOKE LIST'] A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy. The wife was very excited about
* REJECT09.ZIP 5/1/97 [from http://www.bandersnatch.com/joke.htm] WHAT IF......? If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill
* REJECT10.ZIP 5/8/97 [found by Kathleen, on the web] Cardassian Warning! By Esther Findling It has come to our attention that the Federation has introduced a potentially toxic substance into the C
* REJECT11.ZIP 5/17/97 Why did the chicken cross the road? [Star Trek version] Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own
* REJECT12.ZIP 5/24/97 [forwarded by Brian] The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians... By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
* REJECT13.ZIP 6/1/97 [forwarded by David Kimpler] MARRIAGE QUIPS I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. --David Bissonet
* REJECT14.ZIP 6/9/97 [forwarded by Mark Huth, via REHU. Unfortunately, the answer key and scoring info is missing. Anybody else have it???? It's funny enough just reading it!] J O K E M A S T
* REJECT15.ZIP 6/16/97 [forwarded by Kathleen, from the ASHcan-L Special FTC] Housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said 'My husband
* REJECT16.ZIP 6/27/97 [found at http://www.epix.net/~mcdowell/cowpie97.html] 6th ANNUAL COW PIE BINGO AMERICAN LEGION - POST 510 P.O. BOX 1 LACEYVILLE, PA. 18623 AND ST. JOACHIM'S - ST. BONAVENTUR
* REJECT17.ZIP 7/6/97 {too good to wait!} [from Starkey, via EcuLaugh] PRILEP, Yugoslavia (AP) - Outside a small Macedonian village near the border between Greece and strife-torn (former) Yugoslavi
* REJECT18.ZIP 7/13/97 [forwarded by Brian] A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors s
* REJECT19.ZIP 7/23/97 [From Dan Klucar, via 'The Humour List'] Q: What do you call a guitarist without a girlfriend? A: Homeless Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and a
* REJECT20.ZIP 7/31/97 [from Heather l Barrett, via 'Just Too Funny'] A Flock of Sheep... A blither of idiots A brace of suspenders A clutch of co-dependents A crop of dominatrices A defenestration
* REJECT21.ZIP 8/8/97 [forwarded by Brian] EXECUTIVE, LEGISLATIVE, JUDICIAL BRANCHES MERGE WASHINGTON, DC--Seeking to streamline federal affairs and give the government a much-needed shot in the a
* REJECT22.ZIP 8/16/97 [forwarded by Mark Huth. Some are repeats, some are new - and I'm too lazy to weed them...] GENERATION X AND THEIR OFFICE LINGO Blamestorming - sitting around in a group di
* REJECT23.ZIP 8/23/97 [from Mike Porter, via HAND!] {too good to wait for JP/JO!} Comparison of Religious Theory in the Late 20th Century Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins. Hari K
* REJECT24.ZIP 8/31/97 [from Gregory H Singleton, via REHU] Do chickens think rubber humans are funny? Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'? Do indecisive squids discharge erasable ink? Why d
* REJECT25.ZIP 9/8/97 Subject: The Game of Romance... Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose them) from their gals from 'The Game of Romance: How to Keep Score' from Men's Heal
* REJECT26.ZIP 9/16/97 [from Henry G. Keyser] Husband comes home from work one day to find his car parked in the driveway. Wondering why he gets in and turns the ignition on and the car goes 'ban
* REJECT27.ZIP 9/25/97 [first is from Brenda, on REHU] Okay, if Star Trek's got chickens, Babylon 5's *got* to have chickens: IVANOVA: No crossing today, crossing tomorrow. There's always a crossin
* REJECT28.ZIP 10/4/97 [forwarded by Greg on REHU] Hi L__. Thanks for the news about Microsoft God. I'd be on the lookout for it, except for the fact that my word processor already has remarkably
* REJECT29.ZIP 10/14/97 [from 'Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List'] PRESS RELEASE July 7, 1997 (Seattle) -- Microsoft announced today that it will provide office furniture with its software.
* REJECT30.ZIP 10/22/97 [from CathyinTX, via HAND!] Are You A Flamer? Since no one admits to being a flamer, and it's always the other guy, this quiz will help you determine if you are, in fact, th
* REJECT31.ZIP 11/1/97 [forwarded by LOTS of people, but Tom Roush was first] MICROSOFT PURCHASES THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 21, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations ma
* REJECT32.ZIP 11/9/97 [from Kitty's Daily Mews] Fishing with Ruth Ginsberg Justice Ruth Ginsberg had been on the court for a while when a friend invited her on a fishing trip. They got to the lak
* REJECT33.ZIP 11/18/97 [from Maurizio Mariotti, via UGA Humor List] Letter to the Editor, The Cave Mail, circa 1,000,000 BC: SIR - I was literally horrified by the amount of space you gave to the
* REJECT34.ZIP 11/27/97 [From Stan Kegel, via UGA Humor List] WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? 6. Historic Figures John Adams: The crossing of the road is so bold, sop daring, so firm intrepid a
* REJECT35.ZIP 12/7/97 [from Bill's Punch Line] There's a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt
* REJECT36.ZIP 12/16/97 [from Funny Pages Mailing List] OPERATION ORDER 12-97 FOR: OFFICIAL VISIT OF LTG SANTA CLAUS 1. An official staff visit by LTG Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. Th
* REJECT37.ZIP [from Gary S. Jones, via ALPHA Mailing List] MAN IN RED Tune of 'Men in Black' Here comes the Man in Red It's the Santa C. (ho ho here comes Santa C.) Here comes the Man in Red Only
* REJECT38.ZIP 12/31/97 [from Jim Moore Jr [jimjr@PIPELINE.COM] READY-MADE RESOLUTIONS FOR INTERNETers - 1998 * Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names & birthdays * Read all of the ma
* REJECT39.ZIP 1/13/98 [from Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List] LIVING IN CAGES LINKED TO CANCER IN LABORATORY RATS by Brett K. Carver AP -- The federal government today released the findings
* REJECT40.ZIP 1/24/98 [from Laugh-A-Lot!, via WIT, WHIMSEY, AND WONDER] IBM Buys Episcopal Church For Immediate Release The Chairman of IBM announced today that, in response to Microsoft Corp.'s a
* REJECT41.ZIP 2/3/98 [forwarded by Birrell Walsh, on Rehu] Between moments of dispensing wisdom, it seems that historical religious leaders had also learned software programming. One day, a great
* REJECT42.ZIP 2/14/98 [forwarded by Kathleen - use Courier 12 to view] ___ ,.-'Y _^^-, ,.-'^^H E ,-^^ ^^-,\ ,.-'^^ R S ,.-^^ \| \ H E ,.-^^ k \,.-^^ i ss kis kis
* REJECT43.ZIP 2/21/98 [from Kitty's Daily Mews] Modem Times - Maxims for the Internet Age 1. Home is where you hang your @ 2. The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. 3. A journe
* REJECT44.ZIP 3/3/98 [from Bill's Punch Line] HOW TO MAKE YOUR WIFE CRAZY: 1. Call her by the dog's name and then deny it. 2. Answer all her questions with a question, preferably one on a totall
* REJECT45.ZIP 3/15/98 [from Michael A Dimond, on Rehu] The Top 15 Latin Phrases for the 90's 15. 'Log floggit cum palma folliculus.' -- (If you don't stop it, you'll go blind.) 14. 'Nolo Contende
* REJECT46.ZIP 3/23/98 How to Hire a Programmer by Kevin D. Weeks VB Tech Journal January 1998 Forget about competency tests, previous work history, personality profiles like the MBTI, reference-ch
* REJECT47.ZIP 4/3/98 [from Gwendolyn E Eckman, via UGA Humor List] A mother and her son were flying 'Southwest Airlines' from Kansas to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turn
* REJECT48.ZIP 4/15/98 [from SueS7, via UGA Humor List] The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the t
* REJECT49.ZIP 4/26/98 [from Randall Woodman, via UGA Humor List] One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't thi
* REJECT50.ZIP 5/11/98 [from Nick's Humor List at [nickhumor-owner@Listservice.net] ] SMOKING MAKES YOU DIE Tune: Smoke Gets In Your Eyes They asked them what they knew And if it was true They of
* REJECT51.ZIP 5/21/98 [from Kitty's Daily Mews] Top Ten Signs Your Cat is Overweight 10- Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener. 9- Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chai
* REJECT52.ZIP 6/1/98 [from Kitty's Daily Mews] New words to an old Dylan tune: How many roads must a man drive down Before he admits he is lost Why when a man becomes married is he unable to find
* REJECT53.ZIP 6/11/98 [from Bill's Punch Line] One day in Contract Law class, Professor Jepson asked one of his better students, 'Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about
* REJECT54.ZIP 6/25/98 [from Stan Kegel] History Lesson I remember well the spring of 1778. I had just received my degree from Oxford and was ready to take my place as a partner in my father's shi
* REJECT55.ZIP 7/8/98 [courtesy of Dockers. Posted today in honor of Roy Rogers] A cowboy by the name of Roy Randall lived with his beautiful bride Alice on a nice ranch out on the Colorado prairi

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