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How amusing! Lots of various humor files.


* 101NOS.TXT 101 EASY WAYS TO SAY NO I'd love to, but. 1 I have to floss my cat. 2 I've dedicated my life to linguini. 3 I want to spend more time with my blender. 4 the President said he might dr
* 1988~1.HIL THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENTS OF 1988 Reprinted from the San Francisco Sunday Examiner and Chronicle Nearly one in three American adults queried by the National Science Foundation said th
* 21TYPES.TXT 21 TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM! 1 EXCITABLE Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2 SOCIABLE Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.
* A-ZFUCK.TXT THE A-Z OF FOUL LANGUAGE M - Moist N - Nipples O - Orifice BY DEADBEAT/INDEPENDENT P - Pisser Q - Queer R - Roger It's a little known fact that there's S - Stapler a rude word for eve
* AA.JOK From philadam.adelaide.edu.au Sun Nov 18 012735 1990 Subject Alcoholics' Anthem Summary The Alcoholics' Anthem Keywords song A while back there were a few funny songs posted, and now
* ABBOTT.TXT Abbott Costello Who's on first? Abbott Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's manager gave me a job as coach for as long as your on the team. Costello Look Abbott
* ACLAMT.TXT Most of the definitions on the following lexicon of medical slang appeared a few years ago in the National Lampoon. Some of the definitions are funny. Most are sick. All are used in r
* ACRONYM.LIS From slambomaris.ucr.edu Thu Jun 7 151422 1990 Subject The acronym list (long) Well, here's the list of acronyms that I've collected over the school year. Please email any more to sla
* ACRONYMS.TXT Public Domain Acronym/Abbreviation Dbase 2D - 2-Dimensional 3D - 3-Dimensional 3M - Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing 4GL - Fourth Generation Language 4H - Head, Heart, Hands, Health
* ADCOPY.HUM Bogged down by that 9-to-5 job? Experiencing a constant depression? Feel like you're not accomplishing anything? Well, all that can change, if you take our 30-day course on.. HOW TO B
* ADDRMERI.TXT To Multiple recipients of list HUMOR Subject Addr Merit Badges for Man Scouts (clean) Date Monday, April 11, 1994 902AM MERIT BADGES FOR MAN SCOUTS BBQ CUISINE A true Man Scout must b
* ADMIN.TXT ADMINISTRATIUM Thomas G. Kyle Los Alamos, New Mexico The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered at one of the national laboratories. The element, tentatively named
* AGE.TXT Were you born prior to 1945? If you were born prior to 1945 you are a survivor! Just stop and consider the changes you have witnessed. You were before television, before penicillin, b
* ALABAMA.TXT ALABAMA MOM TO ALABAMA SON Dear Son, I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents
* ALCATAX.TXT Copyright; May,1988 John T. Scott Permission to copy and distribute granted, as long as this file remains unchanged. FORM AL1040 Alchoholic tax return For year Jan.1 to Dec.30,1988
* ALFLOG.TXT My Life on Planet Earth Alf's Secret Diary Space Log Entry 684.1 245 P.M. Los Angeles, Cal. Earth Dear Space Log, As I make yet another entry in my journal, I look back through the mu
* AMBROSE.BIE Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum 'I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.' In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With a
* ANIM_LIF.TXT Subject Life Imitating Art (Nov 28,92) Date Sun, 6 Dec 1992 083051 GMT Life Imitating Art or I Thought This Was Just A Movie Copyrighted November 28, 1992, by Curtis H. Hoffmann. Perm
* ANTHROPO.STU From duncanrmy.emory.edu Wed Sep 12 102208 1990 Subject anthropological study Keywords science, chuckle, original (I wrote this myself while lamenting the plight of the pitiful gradua
* ARAB.DIC From cs.uoregon.edu!mips!apple!usc!samsung!uunet!seismo!dimacs.rutgers.edu!aramis.rutgers.edu!remus.rutgers.edu!kaldis Mon Aug 27 192511 PDT 1990 Article 63141 of talk.politics.misc F
* ARGOTDIC.TXT Junk Culture Dictionary of Argot Compiled by Carcinogenic 'Nam Curse (aka Agent Orange) and Tinman, from such books as 'A Clockwork Orange' by Anthony Burgess, '1984' b
* ART-FART.HUM T.H.E
* ATOMBOMB.HUM File HOW TO MAKE AN ATOM BOMB CONSTRUCTION PROJECT ATOMIC BOMB The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible Results, Volume 25/Number 4/1979-P.O.Box 234 Chicago Hei
* AUSSIE.LNG From ronenaccsg.tau.ac.il Wed Jan 22 150521 1992 Return-Path ronenaccsg.tau.ac.il Received from ccsg.tau.ac.il by math.tau.ac.il (4.1/TAU-4.8) id AA09640; Wed, 22 Jan 92 150518+020 Da
* B-2.JOK From militarycbnews.ATT.COM Mon Jul 31 125416 1989 Subject B-2 or not B-2 B-2, or not B-2 That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outr
* BAD.JOK You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when. You wake up face down on the pavement. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better. You call suicide prevention and they put you
* BADDAY.HUM A BASICALLY BAD DAY I don't remember the last bad day I had, except that I frowned at it and shook my finger, saying 'BAD! Bad Day!' That spate of strong language made the day cower i
* BAGELOPE.TXT The Ecology of the Bagelope, by Kel'anth When they are alive, they are called Bagelopes, and they have fur. They move by rolling like a wheel. A dead bagelope, when prepared for eatin
* BANK.ROB From krhroot.co.uk Tue Apr 25 153332 1989 Subject The old ones are the best. RULES FOR BANK ROBBERS According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are 'unsophisticated and unpro
* BARNEY.CN1 Sure, everyone has heard of him. On television, radio, and his apperance is on just about everything. He came out of no where,apearing on public television,and then became a legend. T
* BARNEY.TXT DAY OF THE BARNEY Mrs. Thompson kissed her two children, Jenny and Robby, and sat them before the television set. Their eyes widened and gleamed as the picture faded in, revealing the
* BBQ.TXT AGREEMENT FOR PARTICIPATION IN UNETIX POST-AIR SHOW BBQ BETWEEN UNETIX, INCORPORATED (Hereinafter 'HOST') AND _ (Print your full name above.) (Hereinafter 'GUEST') WHEREAS, HOST des
* BEAPIMP.HUM Your guide to become a Pimp By The Flash 01/04/86 The first thing that you must do is decide that this is the thing for you and that you will be able to handle this responsibility. Th
* BEAVE.HUM Beaver - Gone Bad!! A mini-manuscript by Pete Stocton and Baron Von Crash. Scene ONE Wally and Beaver in bed, lights out. Beaver Hey Wally. Wally Yea Beave? Beaver How come is it ther
* BEER.HUM 52 Good reasons why Beer is better than women 1. You can enjoy a Beer all month long. 2. Beer stains wash out. 3. You don't have to wine and dine Beer. 4. Your beer will always wait p
* BEERDIAG.TXT SYMPTOM Drinking fails to give taste and satisfaction, beer is unusually pale and clear. FAULT Glass empty. ACTION REQUIRED Find someone who will buy you another beer. SYMPTOM
* BEERJE~1.HUM Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus 10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer. 9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex. 8. Beer has never caused a major war. 7. They do
* BIBLE.TXT - BIBLE MISINTERPRETATIONS - The Bible says it's alright to be a bitch Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Jerusalem. Jesus drove a Honda All the disciples were in one Accord. The f
* BIGPIC1.HUM THEIVE'S WORLD 616/344-2718 typed by the
* BILLCAT.HUM Exploring Bill the Cat's Brain by The Motorhead A Secret Treaties Production
* BIMG.PRN BimGlossary BimGlossary BimGlossary BimGlossary BimGlossary BimGlossary
* BITCHCAR.HUM [ File Taken from Silicon Valley (504)-241-3452 10mBBS 300/1200 ] /-\ ! The Most Bitchenest Car ! Written by Th
* BLACKAPP.HUM NIGGER APPLICATION FORM (photo not required since you all look alike anyway) 1) Date_/_/_ 2) Address 3) If living in auto, give make ,model liscense
* BLACKHOL.HUM NEW INFORMATION ON BLACK HOLES Noted Authority Clears Up Confusion It has come to the attention of this office that much complete balderdash has been promulgated recently regarding th
* BLASTER.HUM The Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy states that the effect of drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster is like having your brains smashed out by a slice
* BLESS.BC  BLESS BC- I SAY I come for visit - and treated regal, So I stay . who cares ILLEGAL!!! I come to B.C. poor and broke, Get on bus, see Manpower bloke. Kind man treat me really swell
* BLOOPRS1.ASC (word processor parameters LM=8, RM=78, TM=2, BM=2) Taken from KeelyNet BBS (214) 324-3501 Sponsored by Vangard Sciences PO BOX 1031 Mesquite, TX 75150 August 17, 1990 Student Blooper
* BMDN01.TXT Date Mon, 10 May 1993 Subject Barney Must Die! N ABL's Barney Must Die Newsletter T Issue 1 B A R N E Y L ABL- 'A group of people united E in a single goal. Be A
* BOATMEMO.JOK From gmw1cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Mon Apr 3 053004 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Giuliani Keywords true, smirk, sexual Date 3 Apr 89 103004 GMT The following memos were reprinted in S
* BOE.HUM Tales from the Bureau of Explosives. 19-2430 .. July 2, 1913. SPECIAL FIREWORKS (Toy Caps). In violation of the I.C.C. Regulations, a case of special fireworks (toy caps) was transpor
* BONELES2.TXT MANIFESTO OF THE HOLY PROPHETS OF HOLLY FARMS WRITTEN IN A SPONTANEOUS BURST OF JOY BY CLOROX ALBATROSS Hail Unenlightened One! Do you not see the folly in your disturbed ways? Do you
* BORED.TXT Things to do When Bored -Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs -Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings -Braid your dog's hair
* BOSTON~1.GEO The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End. This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South En
* BROWNECO.HUM Conference with Cristopher Browne, of HAGAR fame. (Alex) ChrisAny opening statements? (Christopher Browne) Yes, I'd like to say that I sprained my mind earlier, trying to explain what
* BTCISFRE.HUM The Motorhead presents. Bill the Cat is MY Friend! - - None of you are going to believe this, but I have something to admit Bill the Cat is my friend! Yes! I actually lik
* BUGBREAK.HUM How to Make Bugs Breakdance By The Daredevil Hello, name's Daredevil. I am about to present you with step by step instructions on how to make insects and such to dance around like Mic
* BUTWRONG.HUM _ But It Would Be Wrong By William Safire From
* BUZZWORD.HUM HOW TO WIN AT WORDSMANSHIP COLUMN 1 COLUMN 2 COLUMN 3 0. Interated 0. Management 0. Options 1. Total 1. Organizational
* BW-PHWAN.HAT Philosphical Wonderings The reason I am writing this is because I want to see if other have the same views as me (like I give a damn what you think) and to express myself (yeah, do I
* BW-SUMME.HAT Just What the Hell IS Summer? What's summer? That's like trying to find the meaning of life. Summer is the time when everyone says they're gonna have the BEST time of thier life. Peop
* CABBAGE.TXT Night of the Cabbage Patch Kids . .. by Thomas Covena
* CALIF.HUM I hate California because People rollerskate to work The winters are unendurable The sun shines 350 days a year Board meetings are held in hot tubs Aerospace engineers wear Budweiser
* CALVIN.TXT Calvin For President An interview with presidential candidate Calvin with running mate Hobbes the tiger. Interviewer'I'm sitting here with the latest entry into the presidential race
* CANCER.RAT From bretthpsrbkc.hp.com Sun Jul 2 053006 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Cancer in rats Keywords original, funny Date 2 Jul 89 103006 GMT Sender funnylooking.on.ca Approved funnylook
* CARS.TXT AMC - All Makes of Cars AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence BMW - Babbling Mechanical Wench BART / Muni / Walking (transportation in San Francisco) Basic Marin Wheels Beastly Mon
* CARTOON.LAW Cartoon Law of Physics Cartoon Law I Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. H
* CARTOO~1.LAW Cartoon Laws Contributed by Trevor Paquette Lt. Justin D. Baldwin Cartoon Law I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps o
* CARTWB.SON Article 13 of rec.humor.funny Subject Warner Brothers song Keywords original, chuckle Date 27 Jan 89 113006 GMT Sender funnylooking.UUCP Approved funnylooking.UUCP Reply-Path uunet!at
* CATBALLS.HUM Looking at the cat's balls Charles Bukowski sitting here by the window sweating beer sweat mauled by the summer I am looking at the cat's balls. it's not my choice he sleeps in an old
* CATIN.HAT From pa1022sdcc15.UUCP Tue Apr 11 124154 1989 Subject Freud on Seuss Reply-Path neat.ai.toronto.edu!gatech!ucsd!sdcc15!pa1022 Freud on Seuss a book review by Josh LeBeau (copied from
* CATRANCH.HUM Dewey, Cheatham, and Screw Investment Mavens 43 Park Row New York, N.Y. 000001 CONFIDENTIAL PRIVATE OFFERING MEMORANDUM Dear Client; I have been looking around for a really good sound
* CATSTORY.TXT -) A Cat, a Tree, and a New Word As one who is an unabashed admirer of cats, telling this story is somewhat painful. This is a true story which happened during the late 1970's. My wif
* CBMATIC.HUM Exciting New Product Announcement The NEW Wrongco CB-Matic Thrilling new concepts in computer technology! Constructed entirely of space-age materials! Unique word processing capabilit
* CHAINLTR.TXT The Toilet-Chain Letter Dear Sir or Madam; This letter is being sent to you, for we know that you are critically interested in your lawn. The Spring season is almost upon us, so I wou
* CHANGE.HUM A Fable (unfortunately true) by Michael P. Andrews (c) 1982 In the early days of public transportation, there were streetcars. They made noise and were wide open. On hot days, sweaty
* CHEAPIN.LA From gmw1cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Tue Apr 4 183004 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Los Angeles Times Keywords true, chuckle Date 4 Apr 89 233004 GMT The following memorandum was apparen
* CHICKENS.JOK How Many Generic Chickens Can You Fit Into a Generic Pontiac? A while back, someone asked how many generic chickens would fit into a generic Pontiac. This question has been on my mind
* CHILDHOO.JOK From timlmaxwell.concordia.ca Sat Sep 22 105408 1990 Subject Childhood disease? Keywords smirk This was sent to me from a friend who does not have USENET access (Reportedly authored b
* CHINESEC.HUM \Chinese Words\ _ \Chinese\ \English\
* CHUNNEL.TXT -) Subject Channel Tunnel The following lines have, apparently been circulating round Strasbourg and parts of the financial community. The author is anonymous but clearly an Englishma
* CHURCH.STO From joebram.UUCP Sat Dec 8 112848 1990 Subject Funny (true) Church stories As promised, here are the few funny church stories I received. I wish we would have had more. - Many years
* CLIMBING.LET From mepvms.macc.wisc.edu Wed Nov 22 165031 1989 Subject Climbing letters to the editor (part 1) Date 21 Nov 89 160627 GMT Sender newsdogie.macc.wisc.edu Since thing have slowed down,
* CO-CAR.JOK HOW TO RECOGNIZE A COMPANY CAR Why are company cars so popular? The reason seems to be that they have special features not found in private automobiles. 1. They travel faster in all g
* COCKNEY.ALP From smulrinecs.strath.ac.uk Sat Jan 6 020335 1990 Subject Re Cockney Alphabet A for 'Orses ('ay for 'orses) B for Mutton (Beef or Mutton) C for Miles (see for miles) D for Ential (Di
* COFFEE.TXT No description yet
* COGDIS.TXT The message for today is an explanation of a very interesting phenomeno in social psychology, Cognitive Dissonance. The reason it's important that those valuing their liberty understa
* COLD.FUS From jonApple.COM Tue Apr 18 194502 1989 Subject Backwoods fun Reply-Path apple.com!jon (from Jon Singer and Michael Butler) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= (taken f
* COLDFAKE.HUM THIEVE'S WORLD
* COLLEGE.HUM L.U.C.I.P.H.E.R. presents. / \ \ T O P T E N / /
* COLLEGE.SLA BABYL OPTIONS Version 5 Labels Note This is the header of an rmail file. Note If you are seeing it in rmail, Note it means the file has no messages in it.  0, unseen,, EOOH Date Tue
* COMMUTIN.JOK From gomborelay.eu.net Mon Jul 9 093220 1990 Subject Commuting for beginners. Keywords original, smirk {ed This is a rather long piece, but it has its amusing moments.} Commuting for
* COMREVI1.HUM Is there a place in today's burgeoning comics market for another poorly- written, weakly-illustrated, badly-lettered black-and-white with hackneyed secret agent super ninjas? Don Tyle
* CONAN.TXT THE ADVENTURES OF CONAN THE LIBRARIAN by Alan Arnold An erie stillness fell over the scriptorium of the Aquilonia Memorial Library. As twilight settled, the last of the scholars and s
* CONSP.TXT EDITOR'S NOTE I have only compiled this list. I claim no responsibility for errors, discrepensies, bogus entries, repeated or contradictiory entries, spelling or grammatical errors, o
* COOKING.JOK From slocumhi-csc.UUCP Fri May 12 084904 1989 Subject definitions of cooking terms (These are from my brother-in-law, Bob Ekstrom, in Pitt, MN) tongue A variety of meat, rarely served
* CORPORAT.TXT THE CREATION OF CORPORATE POLICY In the beginning, there was the plan. And then came the assumptions. And the assumptions were without form and the plan was completely w
* COURT~1.QUI Disorder in the Court a Collection of 'Transquips' by Richard Lederer Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is
* COWEXPLO.HUM There are two stories to this famous legend, of the two I know not which is true. So lean back, fall off your chair, and break your neck while hitting your head on the floor. And read
* COYOTE.TXT 149/150 When animals can sue (part 1) Name Chris Downs 107 13453 Date Fri Mar 06 151821 1992 COYOTE v. ACME In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona
* CUCHY.HUM La Cucaracha Written by mr. sa
* CUCUMBER.JOK The 'why cu_CUM_bers are better than men' list - the average cucumber is at least seven inches long - cucumbers stay hard for a week - a cucumber won't t
* CUCUMBER.TXT Title Why cucumbers are better than men!!!!!!! AREANZ_ECHO Cucumbers are better than men because.... The average cucmber stays hard for a week. The average cucumber is at least 6 inch
* CURSE.TXT SPANISH OBSCENETIES AND INSULTS DICTIONARY By Midnight Sorrow Call Infinite Darkness - 3O5ú561ú3877 The Best Text Anywhere! MAJOR INSULTS Bodily Parts BOLLO (boe yoe) Pussy. CHOCHA (c
* D-NED.HUM D-Ned by Andy Zaslow This is not copyrighted (c) 1984 by D. Griffith. If you really want to use it for commercial purposes, go ahead. Keep in mind(s), however, that everyone else in t
* DARK.SUC THE THEORY OF DARK SUCKERS as presented by Paul Holmgren with additions and corrections by Holly Stowe For years it was believed that light wes emitted from an electric bulb; recent i
* DEATHHEM.TXT INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM _ To All Personnel Date April 1, 1985 Subject Standard Procedure on Death of Employee It has b
* DEDPUSSY.TXT Toxic Shocke Presents
* DEEP.TXT DEEP THOUGHTS by Jack Handey I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away. Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I gu
* DEFECTIV.HUM DEFECTIVE DEFECTORS The big league spy games are heating up as the U.S. and Soviet Union head into the pre-Summit stretch. Last week, spectators were awed as the two super powers play
* DESK.TXT THE TOP 10 THING ACCORDING TO THE DESK ON THE FOUR 18HTH FLOOR OF THE EMERSON LIBRARY AT 150 BEACON ST.
* DETERIOR.HUM DETERIORATA Go placidly amid the noise and waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rot
* DEVILS.JOK From grebyn!karlhaven.UMD.EDU Wed Dec 14 081929 1988 Flags 000000000001 for wernerrascal.ics.utexas.edu id AA20199; Wed, 14 Dec 88 092018 EST Date Wed, 14 Dec 88 090630 EST Phone 703-
* DIETER.TXT Sprockets D Welcome to Sprockets. I am your host, Dieter [pronounced DEE- tah]. D It has been a very busy week here in Berlin. Jourgen von Keitel's exhibit 'Scabs On Canvas' opened at
* DINGDING.HUM A LITTLE DING IN THE DOOR I loaned one of my cars to a friend a couple of weeks ago. I received a phone call one evening during the term of this loan. Hello? Hi! Hey, look, I just wan
* DIRTWORD.TXT /-\ Words That Are Not Heard On Public T.V. Written by George Carlin Typed by MIDI Amin
* DISASTER.HUM REFLECTIONS ON DISASTER When the weather system that created those awful tornadoes which killed so many in Pennsylvania, Ohio and Canada swept through our part of the country, we were
* DISCLMR.TXT This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each c
* DISCLYM.TXT This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each c
* DOCDICT.TXT A Little Editing Needed Here (The Doctor as Humorist) While looking for a Real Job (read technical writing), I've been paying the bills doing medical transcription work. I came across
* DOCSPEAK.TXT What the Doctor says What the Doctor really means 'This should be taken care of right away.' 'I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to
* DOGGUN.STO Article 128 of rec.humor.funny Subject Original weird story Keywords original, smirk, wealth stereotypes, swearing Date 20 Mar 89 003006 GMT Sender funnylooking.UUCP Approved funnyloo
* DONUT.TXT Subject Doughnuts (From talk.bizarre) Keywords original, smirk, stereotypes Date 28 Sep 90 233007 GMT Approved funnylooking.on.ca _ A_ n_ a_ r_ c_ h_ y You steal a doughnut. _ A_ s_ c
* DOVER~1.POE Dover, oh Dover, arisen from dead. Dover, oh Dover, awoken from bed. Dover, oh Dover, welcome back to the Lab. Dover, oh Dover, we've missed your clean hand. And now your toner's tone
* DRINKER.TXT Drinkers Fault-Finding Guide Symptom Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste ; shirt front is wet. Fault Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of fac
* DRINKING.TRO From jproyvax1.tcd.ie Thu May 11 183100 1989 Subject Drinkers fault finding guide.. DRINKERS FAULT-FINDING GUIDE Symptom Drinking fails to give satisfacti
* DRINKRUL.JOK PHILOSOPHIES OF LIFE I) Only use moderation in moderation. (A rule of life) II) A mind may be a terrible thing to waste, but a waist is a
* DRIVE.TXT Type P to Pause, S to Stop listing Macho Driving in Massachusetts Those of you who have been driving in Massachusetts all your lives are familiar with many of the so-called macho driv
* DRUGGAME.HUM RED JUICE AND RICE Baseball players from all over have been congregating in a courtroom in Pittsburgh for the last few weeks to testify about drug use in major league baseball. The tr
* DRUNK.TXT You know its time to go on the wagon when You say to your wife, 'honey if you can carry me to the car, I'll drive' You are on top of the empire state building and you try to step on a
* DTHOUGHT.TXT NOTE When reading these, you have to imagine the soft sounds of a harp, a beautiful lake or other nature scene. The soft, yet distinctly male voice of the announcer saying And now.. D
* DUBLTALK.JOK From werner Wed Jul 13 140634 1988 Flags 000000000001 Subject doublespeak, Orwell_is_here! Keywords true, chuckle Date 16 Sep 88 033003 GMT [ extracted from NL-KR Digest, (8/19/88 212
* EANDB.DRX No description yet
* ECONRIDL.FUN From nol.net!news.sprintlink.net!howland.reston.ans.net!agate!news.ucdavis.edu!csus.edu!netcom.com!atanu Tue May 16 013355 1995 Subject A puzzle. Who paid for the Englishman's Vacatio
* ELECTRIC.TXT PRIMER FOR HOMEOWNERS THE ELECTRICAL SYSTEM The most important thing to find out about the electrical system is whether it cointains enough 'volts', which are little tiny pieces of el
* ELEMENT.JOK SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT! The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physical chemists. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no p
* ELEPHANT.FUN PACHYDERMIC PERSONNEL PREDICTION by Peter C. Olsen A bold new proposal for matching high-technology people and professions Over the years, the problem of finding the right person for
* EMPEVAL.TXT TO All Department Heads SUBJ New Employee Evaluation Forms NAME DATE_ JOB TITLE_ DATE HIRED
* ENGINEER.HUM The Condemned When the earth was created, the powers above, Gave each man a job to work at and love. He made Doctors and lawyers and plumbers and then, He made carpenters, singers, an
* ENGRHYME.TXT - ENGLISH - I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you On hiccough, thorough, slough, and through? Well done! And now you wish,
* ENQUIRE.HUM The New, Improved National Enquirer (Electronic Edition) Conceived by Griffin the Black. uploaded to the 5th Precinct (502) 245-8270 The National Enquirer (Electronic Edition) April,
* ESKIMO.NEL The Ballad of Eskimo Nell Gather 'round, all you whorey, Gather 'round, and hear my story. When a man grows old and his ball grow cold, And the tip of his prick turns blue; When it be
* EXAM.50 Subject Finals Week Keywords topical, chuckle Date Wed, 16 Dec 92 122003 EST 50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going to fail the class completely no ma
* EXCUSE.TXT If your looking for an excuse pick a number and say I'd love to, but. 1 I have to floss my cat. 2 I've dedicated my life to linguini. 3 I want to spend more time with my blender. 4 Th
* EXCUSE30.TXT 1. TOP EXCUSES TO USE WHEN Les EXCUSES du SOMMET ARRIVING LATE FOR FRENCH UTILISER QUAND ARRIVENT CLASS EN RETARD POUR CLASSE FRAN€AISE 3. Ask him why he is
* EXCUSES.TXT BUT OFFICER.. When police ask people involved in auto collisions to describe the events in their own words, the descriptions often make it clear the accidents were at least mysterious
* FAILURE.TXT THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard bo
* FARSI~1.PHR Date 26 May 1980 2358 pm PDT (Memorial Day) Subject Useful Phrases Useful Farsi Phrases for American Officers Traveling to Iran AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOTFAN. Thank you for showing m
* FARTINFO.TXT THE FACTS ABOUT FLATULENCE by Margaret C. McDonald Ever since my hearthmate banned me from eating black bean soup, I've been wanting to know the facts about flatulence. Why are some,
* FARTTING.TXT .on Farting By Someone who might be embarassed if the world found out who wrote it. (yeah, yeah, it's Bosk and you know it) There's nothing like an irrepressible case of the Farts. I
* FASCIST.TXT L.U.C.I.P.H.E.R. presents.. _ ! 1 0 1 ! ! ! ! W A Y
* FEMALE.JOK From nobodyprles2.UUCP Sun Apr 9 153248 1989 Subject Sexist joke - female Chemistry students only. Anyone got the other half of this ? I can't believe it doesn't exist. CHEMICAL ANALY
* FINAL-EX.TXT FINAL EXAMINATION Instructions Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit 4 hours. Begin immediately. 1) H I S T O R Y Describe the history of the papacy from its
* FINALEXM.HUM Final Examination Instructions Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit - 4 hours. Begin immediately. HISTORY. Describe the history of the papacy from its origin
* FIRSTAID.INF I have a little 'first aid tips' card. You pull the tab down till the indicator points to an ailment, and the little window displays symptoms and treatment. My roommate Tom Matches go
* FIRSTAID.TXT First Aid Hints ~ FIRST AID FOR NON-MEDICALLY MINDED PERSONS Electrocution Is he/she still connected to the power supply? If so, SWITCH OFF THE POWER IMMEDIATELY. Electricity costs an
* FLATTAX.HUM THE FLAT-OUT TAX REVISITED Over two years ago, we published a column ridiculing some tentative tax reform proposals which had sprouted in the Congress. There was, at that time, a smal
* FLOWCHRT.TXT P-r-o-b-l-e-m s-o-l-v-i-n-g f-l-o-w-c-h-a-r-t ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ³ Start ³ ÀÄÄÄÂÄÄÄÙ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄYesÄÄ´ Does the damn thing work? ÃÄÄNoÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ ÚÄÄÄÄÄÁÄÄÄÄÄÄ¿ À
* FLUX_FIX.TXT FLUX.FIX START PART the FIRST One of the sure paths to the real future (because there is also a false future) is to proceed in the direction of your fear. - 'On Neurotology' fear. fea
* FOOTFUN.HUM Cops recover human foot stashed in sewer. Police in Brooklyn today reported recovering a human foot youths had been 'tossing around like a football.' Police believe the foot was stole
* FORSOOTH.HUM The New York Times Monday September 2, 1907. Spanks Son - Blown Up. Mother's Blow Sets Off Cap in Boy's Pocket and Both Are Hurt. CHEBOYGAN, Mich. Sept ? Mrs. Fred Williams, living at
* FRESHMAN.HUM A FRESHMAN'S GUIDE TO HORACE GREELEY HIGH SCHOOL By Jason Sadofsky HELLO ALL FRESHMEN. The term 'Freshmen' is a misnomer, of course, since some of you resemble females. But, that's th
* FROM.HUM From the 60's to the 80's As seen (and audio taped from) Alive from Off Center on Public Television. from Lenny Bruce to Laurie Anderson. from Miss America to Penthouse. from Easy Rid
* FUCK!.TXT FUCK Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the Englisch language today is the word FUCK. It is one magical word! Just by it's sound you can discribe pain, displeasure, love and
* FUCKYOU2.TXT No description yet
* FUSION.SUP OBSERVATION OF WARM NUCLEAR FUSION IN CONDENSED SOUP by Joseph D. Lykken Santa Cruz Inst. for Particle Physics Univ. of Calif., Santa Cruz, CA 95064 (Work supported by DOE, contract D
* FWKSFUN.HUM Fireworks foibles and follies. 'Proof though the night that the flag was still there' The New York Daily News has awarded the State of Florida its 'Most Patriotic Independence Celebra
* F_TANG.TXT F R A N K T A N G S E L L B E S T G O O D M U S H R O O M ! All type, big varieties, large and small kind, all grow by soothing harp playing. Down in deep cellar grow the best mushro
* GAS.TXT NOTE All farts are divided into two groups ³ ³ 1. Your Farts ³ ³ 2. Somebody El
* GD_GUIDE.TXT Game Developer Writers Guidelines Game Developer is a technical magazine devoted to the development of computer games. Its audience is programmers. Game Developer will also be of inte
* GERMAN.AUT Article 1629 of eunet.jokes Subject ENGLISH/GERMAN MOTORING TERMS Summary appologies in advance to any germans offended. Date 16 Jan 89 101947 GMT This is an english/german dictionary
* GODMONTH.TXT Nan.Isis.Blog.Grandmother-Spider.Jehovah.Bob.Lugh. Ú¿ ÚÙÀ¿
* GOFORTH.HUM \cGO FORTH AND WAIT A play in one scene \cWritten by Jason Scott. Characters DAVE The hero of the scene. Your absolute, everyday teenager with a tolerance for the events around him. D
* GOHOME.HUM In this day and age of overcrowding, ballpark traitors, and local unemployment The Group Opposed to Harboring Movers from the East (G.O. H.O.M.E.) has come up With a few guidelines co
* GOOD.TXT HOW TO WRITE GOOD by Frank L. Visco My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules 1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
* GOWN.TXT A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown Charles E. Siem Since the beginning of recorded history, the human being has worn some sort of clothing either for protection or warmth.
* GRAMMAR.JOK From werner Wed Oct 26 140634 1988 Flags 000000000001 Subject The Future of the English Language Keywords smirk Date 26 Oct 88 033004 GMT I'm sorry to report that I don't know who wro
* GROMMET.HUM HELP! THE GROMMET'S MISSING! I had a happy Father's Day Eve. I was sipping a tasty Rheinhessen on the back porch when a clattering disturbed my oenophilic reveries. I looked up and, e
* GROSPOEM.TXT Subject Gross Poems (The Original Nursery Rhymes) Date 26 Dec 92 164644 MST Summary not for the squeamish! WARNING SOME OF THE CONTENTS OF THIS DOCUMENT ARE IN VERY, VERY BAD TASTE AN
* GROWTH.TXT ENROLL NOW! PERSONAL GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT COURSES 1100 Creative Suffering EC-6 100 Other Uses for Vaccum Cleaners 1100 Overcoming Peace of Mind EC-7 How to Convert a Wheelchair I
* HARMFUL.HUM DIRTY AIR Scientists are now saying that the air inside your home may be more polluted than the air outdoors. That doesn't surprise me. I've known it for a long time. Excuse mecough!
* HATE.HUM I HATE THE BOSTON CELTICS I HATE WOMEN BOXING REFS I HATE PEOPLE FOR 'NO TUITION' I HATE ROCK STARS WHO WEAR 1 WHITE GLOVE AS A GIMMICK TO SELL RECORDS I HATE EXPENSIVE BEER PRICES I
* HECOMES.JOK From werner Wed Jul 13 140634 1988 Flags 000000000001 Subject Mad Martin Keywords funny Date 8 Sep 88 153006 GMT [Aparently Gene Spafford first posted this in early 1984] Once upon a
* HEIGHT.TXT Height of honesty Pregnant woman paying 1.5 times the fare. noise Skeletons making love on a tin roof. Unemployment Cobwebs in a hookers cunt Heights Having an erection on the sum
* HELL.JOK From fieldrcs.glasgow.ac.uk Sat May 13 092622 1989 Subject HELL Can anyone please answer this one simple question? Why are the only funny bits of the riddles the stupid answers that t
* HERB!.HUM No description yet
* HI.TEC From GORMAN_BPRIME1.LANCASHIRE-POLY.AC.UK Tue Oct 3 200533 1989 Subject Ailments [] Have you exhausted the excuses for taking a day off? Are all your grannies dead? Does the boss no l
* HIERARCH.TXT Hierachy Of A Business. BOSS Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God. ESTIMAT
* HILBILLY.WRI HILLBILLIES MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN ARTERY. . . . . . . . . . . . . THE STUDY OF FINE ARTS. BARIUM. . . . . . . . . . . . . WHAT YOU DO WHEN C. P. R. FAILS. CESAREAN SECTIO
* HITLER.59 Subject To Err is Hitler Keywords funny Date 8 May 91 233004 GMT Approved funnylooking.on.ca The following began life as a Top Ten list of 'Mistakes Made by Adolf Hitler.' it was pass
* HITLERAP.TXT The following is blantantly stolen from Mel Brooks. In the real version, he break-dances with sexy SS cadetts. 8-8 Well hi there people, you kno
* HOONSRC.TXT Auckland Hoon's Road Code 1. Don't wait for anyone or anything. Drive at maximum speed in the outside lane until your exit is 100 metres away. Plunge wildly across three or four lanes
* HOOSIER.TXT YOU KNOW YOU ARE A HOOSIER WHEN. your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off. you've ever used lard in bed. you think potted meat on a saltine is a
* HOROSCOP.JOK From millgramhusc4.UUCP Mon Mar 27 112734 1989 Subject submission to rec.humor.funny Keywords original, chuckle Date 27 Mar 89 003004 GMT Reply-Path linus!xait!harvard!husc4!millgram
* HOROSCOP.TXT Horoscopes for Philosophy Graduate Students By Lije Aries (March 21April 19) Emphasis on work, deadlines. Now would be a good time to do more reading. Drinking more than 7 cups of cof
* HOTEL.TXT FOREIGN SIGNS IN ENGLISH In a Tokyo Hotel Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room
* HOTNNOT.HUM Whats Hot and whats Not By The Warelok w/ a little help from his friends Call Any good board phone number Baud Rate Amount of Megs Whats Hot Whats Not Swatches
* HOW2BGOD.TXT How to be God.Book II By the Rusty Nail,the Flat Tire,and JIm NoteThere was an earlier 'How to be God' file,but it seems to have gotten lost or destroyed. If anyone got it during it's
* HOWLONG.HUM Durations How Long Things Take (revisited)
* HOW_TO_I.PRO How to identify professors Chem Prof Wears a white lab coat. This may actually be clean but does not have to be. P-chem profs have a brand new coat that has never been in the lab; pol
* HTSWFREN.TXT How To Swear in French by Cherry Poptart Well, I promised a follow up to the German file, and I decided to do it sooner than I expected to, so here it is. Spanish will come soon, afte
* HUMATRA.TXT HUMATRANS (A Transportation Device for Homo Sapiens) Dinesh Nettar- and M.S.Moni= Regional Sophisticated Instrumentation Centre, Indian Institute of Technology, Madras 600 036, India
* HUMATRAN.JOK From dinbellcore.bellcore.com Wed Jul 4 085003 1990 Subject Humatrans - A transportation Device for Homo Sapiens Keywords original, smirk This is an original article by me and M.S.Mon
* HUMPTY~1.DUM In winter, when the fields are white, I sing this song for your delight. In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean In summer, when the days are long,
* ICM.HUM Another First for ICM The Inoperable Computer Machines (ICM), which recently (MODERN DATA, April 1983) made headlines with its introduction of a truly third generation computer, has a
* IDAHO.TXT Subject Re WANTED Existence of Idaho paper Sender newsu.washington.edu (USENET News System) Date Mon, 14 Dec 1992 081646 GMT From the Idaho Archives THE TRUE STORY OF IDAHO In the ear
* IDR2.TXT DATELINE 21 June 1990.
* IMPRRISK.HUM FORMATTED FOR 80-COLUMNS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A REAL COMPUTER, USE YOUR PRINTER, OR A WORD PROCESSOR. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PRINTER OR A WORD PROCESSOR . GET ONE! //=
* IMPURMAT.HUM The Realm Of The Rogues (415) 941-1990 Impure Mathematics - To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we present Impure Math! Wherein it is
* INCARHEL.HUM Jason Sadofsky's 15 INCARNATIONS OF HELL 1. You are tied to a chair in front of the whole school, and full-color slides of every insulting doodle you ever drew of Mr. Nickerson are sh
* INLAWS1.TXT Liber Call Me AL vel vel, now. sub figura skating 'The Book of the In-Laws' 1. Hi! the manipulation of a Nut. 2. Company of heaven exposed; film at eleven. 3. Every Tom, Dick, and Har
* INSANITY.HUM The \/etallica \/afia proudly presents. ,./' ,./ . . ,./' ,./ 'Keep
* INSURANC.STY From erancar.UCAR.EDU Fri Jun 2 053005 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Insurance Companies Keywords maybe, true Date 2 Jun 89 103005 GMT Sender funnylooking.on.ca Approved funnylookin
* INSURE.HUM PP .MND Ever lost your presence of mind ?????? This is a copy of an alleged letter written to an insurance company that wanted an explanation from an injured man who had explained wha
* INTERV.HUM EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW! The National Satirist is proud and, as Hubert Humphrey used to say, 'pleased as punch' to bring you this exclusive, if imagined, interview with Nabih Berri's clos
* INVESTI.HUM Continuing our hard-hitting series of investigations into the modem world, we at KTTY have come across a certain group of small, immature, sniveling children that seek to bolster thei
* ITALOINK.TXT The Manager Y.M.C.A. Hotel London Roma 28. Sept, 1988 Dear Signore Direttore Now I am tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London
* IVAN.HUM IVAN THE BURLAP QUILT BY RICHARD NEWSWANGER IVAN TRIPTYTCH WAS NOT A MAN OF MANY WORDS. HE WOULD SIT IN THE FRONT WINDOW OF THE SIGORSKY HOME APPLIANCE CENTER,
* JAPRAP.HUM JAP RAP - We're Jap girls, and we take no crap When we deliver our JAP RAP. 'Get out of bed', my mother begs. 'The maid is cooking scrambled eggs.' I listen to see if my watch still t
* JARGON.PHD From gmw1cunixd.cc.columbia.edu Wed Mar 15 183005 1989 Subject Writing a research paper Keywords chuckle Date 16 Mar 89 003005 GMT (This is one of those xeroxes you keep seeing in you
* JASON.FUN JASON SADOFSKY - THE TRIBUNE ARTICLES, 1987-88 By Jason Sadofsky The following articles are the actual word-processed documents that were printed in one of my school's newspapers over
* JC-ELVIS.INF ú Newsgroup alt.elvis.sighting ú Message-ID 1qbhulINNou4gap.caltech.edu ú Subject Elvis JC - 'Coincidence'? I am posting this now because it is safely past a full moon. Date 20 Mar 93
* JEFFIE.HEH Ohio Bell General Manager Division May 6, 1987 Dear Mr. Waznuiski, We here at Ohio Bell regret to inform you that there has been illegal use of telephone services noted on your phone
* JOKEJU07.TXT Who said religion is not fun? Here are actual messages from real church bulletins. The names of the churches are not given to protect the guilty. 1. This afternoon there will be a mee
* JOKES.TXT Joke Blab from the Datanet. Edited By The Slipped Disk . .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-=
* JRRT~1.RID What has roýý9 Ãs nobody sees, Is tü;6eåô4aÝ treeþkŠA Up,ôx Ót goes, ô îÉôrôAneverôùoïþoÆŠ
* KID_DIET.TXT NEW INFANTS MIRACLE DIET FOR OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE Flabby Americans are always on the look out for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvat
* KILLER.HUM He's the Walk In Killer, a face we all have known. He's the Walk In Killer, He's coming to your home. A quiet night so safe and secure a city finds it's peace. Mansons locked, yet his
* KILLSELF.HUM (formatted for 80-column viewing - lowercase)
* KILSMUR.HUM ++ ! A Compilation of Anti-Smurf Poetry ! ! ! !++ +-+! !!By The Highwayman, ! ! haotic !! !! and The $muggler ! ! omputing !
* KLOO.TXT Subject The Kloo Gnomes Sender newsbradley.bradley.edu Date 30 Jan 93 211840 GMT This is something that has been spreading around Bradley University for the last year or so. This is t
* KOANS.TXT A young and studious monk went his teacher and said, 'Teach me all about the Buddha nature.' His teacher pushed him on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher, sa
* LAMPOON.JOK The Harvard Lampoon, 'Bored of the Rings' 'I cannot read the fiery letters,' said Frodo in a quavering voice. 'No,' said Gandalf, 'but I can. The letters are Elvish, of course, of an
* LANGUAG.JOK In his book titled 'Quick C', Al Stevens gives us a quick rundown on the origin, purpose and usefulness of so many programming languages. COBOL was designed so that managers could rea
* LAW.SCH From pa1213sdcc13.ucsd.edu Wed Nov 15 174405 1989 Subject Law School My brother, a third year UCLA law student recently sent me an interesting list of comparision between lawyers-to-b
* LAWHUNT.TXT WASHINGTON 1986/87 ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS 1300.01 GENERAL 1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harv
* LAWS.TXT Nature sides with the hidden flaw. Ralph's Observation It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. Cole's Law Thinly sliced cabbage Time flies l
* LAWSKOOL.TXT The following is a welcoming speech allegedly delivered by Dean William S. Prosser to his freshman law students. It is my duty to welcome you all to the Law School of the University o
* LAWSUNIV.HUM Rules of the Universe Compiled by the Masters of the Universe 1. Never give a damn about anyone except yourself and masters Steevie and Beeklie. 2. Never eat powdered donuts in one of
* LAWYER.JOK From scwollie.SEAS.UCLA.EDU Wed Oct 4 135950 1989 Subject Cannonical list of Lawyer jokes Save to a file and print, NOT paged for reading, no page is more than 66 lines long. - cut h
* LAZARUS.TXT FROM THE NOTEBOOKS OF LAZARUS LONGINT (With apologies to the late Robert Heinlein) Work smarter, not harder. Sometimes the answer you're looking for is simpler than what you're doing
* LA_TIMES.HUN Subject Los Angeles Times The following memorandum was apparently circulated at the L.A. Times Los Angeles Times Intra-Office Correspondence To members of the Times staff Because of t
* LBINTER.HUM Type X1-74 to download [View] (1-74/q/?-List) 65 The Hotel California [312] 234-6237 /-\ THE LORD BR
* LEECH.TXT The Leech At Work [ Written byThe Rocker ] Brought to you by
* LEGAL.HUM The Fifth Precinct [502] 245-8270 Presents The LAW ENFORCEMENT Translator Police wor
* LET.GO From graemezengrange.co.uk Sun Jul 30 185816 1989 Subject Like ships in the night Keywords chuckle Date 28 Jul 89 103004 GMT Sender funnylooking.on.ca Approved funnylooking.on.ca Repl
* LETGOSH.TXT I found the following report, from a ship's master, printed in the August 1987 edition of 'The Log' journal - it's exact history is unclear but I think you might find it amusing. Repr
* LETTER.TXT Best of The David Letterman Top 10 Lists Top Ten Least Popular Broadway Shows 10. Oprah-homa! 9. Sunday in the Park with George Steinbrenner 8. Twelve Angry Men and a Baby 7. Sharpton
* LETTER_F.SCH Dear Mother and Dad It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before.
* LIBRAWAY.TXT (Voice-Over) 'Pat Robertson speaks out for Anal Retention sufferers.' (Three-quarter shot of Pat) 'Hello, I'm not an uptight conservative televangelist, but I play one on TV. And I'd
* LICEPROF.STY You might find this funny. The last time I sent it out, everyone thought I had fallen off my rocker. 'The Professor was unconscious of the passage of time, the atmosphere in the room,
* LIFEIMAG.HUM ALL IN A DAY'S IMAGINATION WALTER MITTY REVISED, by THETA SIGMA Okay.This is an essay I wrote a while back. I thought some of you modem users might get a kick out of it.if not, well I
* LIFEINFO.HUM THE MEANING OF LIFE (THE COMPUT
* LIMERICK.JOK Article 307 of eunet.jokes Subject Some Limericks Date 1 Jun 88 193806 GMT Well. Seeing that we're now into bad taste jokes.. Here is my collection. ok ok . They are from usr/games/fo
* LINES.JOK A list of classic pick-up lines That dress would look awfully nice on the floor next to my bed. Do you want to see something swell? Hey babe.do you realize that my mouth can generate
* LION.JOK To humourous-backbonerascal.ics.utexas.edu Subject [Rich Kulawiec GSP Digest 186] Date Tue, 25 Jul 89 003423 EST The classic bit about how to catch a lion. Added to the end are some n
* LION.TXT A Contribution to the Mathematical Theory of Big Game Hunting Problem To Catch a Lion in the Sahara Desert. 1. Mathematical Methods 1.1 The Hilbert (axiomatic) method We place a locke
* LIONS.CAT Article 343 of eunet.jokes Xref puukko junk7310 sci.math1574 eunet.jokes343 Subject Re Math Jokes Date 4 Jun 88 120844 GMT References 3440pasteur.Berkeley.Edu 2932phoenix.Princeton.ED
* LIVNWARE.HUM The Digital Gang Presants Eddie and the l00serZ Performin' Livin' on a ware Cracked By The Sheik (Chris) Thanks The Triton High Voltage (Eddie) (Tony) [Spe
* LLL.HUM THE LEGUME LIBERATION LEAGUE Even as you read these words, in this country alone, millions of innocent and helpless living vegetables are being tortured alive. Some are tossed into ca
* LLONG.HUM Introduction to the Notebooks of Lazarus Long. Of all the memorable characters created in the works of Robert A. Heinlein, Lazarus Long, the immortal, stands out beyond the rest. Laza
* LOBQUAD.HUM THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE by Lewis Carroll 'Will you walk a little faster?' said a whiting to a snail, 'There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. See how eagerly t
* LOOSER.HUM 80 COLUMN CONVERSION SPELLING = CORRECTIONS BY CAPTAIN AVATAR \ HOW TO SPOT A LOSER \ =
* LOSERS84.HUM OFFICIAL 1984 LOZERLIST by The Atom THE BIGGEST WELL KNOWN LOZERS - 3/3/85 Preface - This file is divided into 2 sections, one being for loser pirate's, the second being for loser phr
* LOSERS86.HUM View LOSERS OF '86 By. ! The Losers of MCMLXXXVI (1986) ! and. ! ! Micro !
* LOTSA.JOK Article 376 of eunet.jokes Subject Compilation of Jokes Date 22 Jun 88 125754 GMT OK.OK. I know they have all been in eunet.jokes before, but I thought many of you would like a compil
* LOZERZON.HUM You are about to enter. A new dimension. A dimension of time and space. Where grown men can act like children and teen-agers rule all. A dimension of Losers, dudes, geeks, leeches, do
* LOZEUSER.HUM No description yet
* LP-ASSOC.TXT Life Placement Associates (adv) Dateline April 1, 1991 LIFE PLACEMENT ASSOCIATES by Daniel P. Dern (c) Copyright 1991 Daniel P. Dern May be reproduced and distributed freely in unmodi
* LUCKY.CHA LUCKY CHARMS Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed! Yes, it's true - just take this simple test to determine
* LUDEINFO.HUM Basics of Luding By Sinbad Sailor M C M L X X X V! 0 D Luding is a sport in which one or more person(s) takes h
* LUDEINFO.TXT Basics of Luding By Sinbad Sailor M C M L X X X V! 0 D Luding is a sport in which one or more person(s) takes h
* LUGGAGE.HUM C\TRANS\AEFILES\TEXT\LUGGAGE.TXT CTRL-S/CTRL-Q Pause/Continue - SPACE/CTRL-C/CTRL-K Aborts - The Disk Jockey - - presents
* LUVSTORY.TXT Subject The Book of Dead, Part IV Date Thu, 13 Feb 1992 223316 GMT Sender newsmath.ufl.edu NOTE TO USENET READERS If you would like to receive copies of the first three parts of this,
* LUZERZO2.HUM YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENTER. A NEW DIMENSION. A DIMENSION OF VISUAL PHENOMENON AND SUPERNATURAL COMPLICATIONS. WHERE THE ANITDISESTABLISHED CORPORATIONS BECOME DISJOINT AND UNRECOGNIZABLE
* M0DZMEN.HUM The Travelling M0dzmen Part II
* MACSFARM.OLD THE TRAGIC TALE OF OLD MacDONALD'S FARM A Personnel Saga by A. Mouse, Non-E (1 ea.) (as told to L. D. Manning) Once upon a time a large university Personnel Officer retired and, with
* MADHATTR.JOK From dilipcs.utexas.edu Fri Oct 7 091139 1988 Subject MadHatterDay Date 7 Oct 88 141139 GMT Unfortunately, this is a day late, but still, do go out and celebrate. cheers, dilip. Third
* MADSCRIB.HUM Complements of THE HAUNTED HOUSE 415/941/7256 The Writings of the Mad Scribe Volume III [Letters to the Mad Scribe may be sent via China Jones at flbd 63.] LIKE DETERGENT (inspired by
* MAECENAS.HUM MAECENAS by Chuck Capaldi (copyright 1986) The crystal oil lamps lining the room's perimeter gently illuminated the rich walnut dining table set in the center of the hall. At its he
* MAILFRAG.HUM Dc communications presents.
* MAKEBEER.HUM Homemade Beer by The Wizz Materials Needed 1 Can Malt Extract 1 bottle capper 5 gallon container or bottle 50 beer bottles 2 pounds of corn sugar bottle cappes 1 packet beer yeast Air
* MAKING_Y.WEL MAKING YOUR SERVICEMAN FEEL WELCOME 1. Do not call for service until everyone that uses the machine has had a chance to correct the problem. Whenever possible, all controls and adjust
* MALECHEM.TXT Subject M E N (Chemical Analysis) CHEMICAL ANALYSIS Element Man Symbol Ah (short for ah, a common French root used to identify the element) Discoverer
* MANAGER.TXT MANAGERESE ENGINEERESE Adjust schedule Slip schedule Advise Order Ambitious Unlikely Aggressive Very unlikely Chall
* MANILLA.HUM MANIA IN MANILA If you think presidential campaigns are strung out in the U.S., you ought to visit the Philippinesthese islands are spread so far and wide across the Pacific that in c
* MANNERS.TXT Types of Real Trouble Self-Destruction The old fashioned way to get into real trouble was by eating, drinking, taking drugs, getting diseases, and acting like a pig and a fool until y
* MANSPACE.HUM May 05, 1961 Alan Shepard aboard Freedom 7 is launched. July 21, 1961 Gus Grissom aboard Liberty Bell 7 is launched Feb. 20, 1962 John Glenn aboard Friendship 7 goes into orbit. May 2
* MARINES.HUM The Outer Space Marines (should be sung to an approximation of The United States Marines) From the Pits of Aldebaran Nine To the Webs of Sigma Grex, We will make a better man of you I
* MARRIAGE.HUM 'Some of these are cynical and some are sexist. Apologies if you are offended. Enjoy the ones you find funny.' MARRIAGE HUMOR Mostly from ``Another Almanac of Words at Play'', by Will
* MASH.HUM FADE IN EXTERIOR MASH COMPOUND DAY Unit is being inundated with wounded, who are lying about on the ground. At least two trucks are in the process of disgorging more wounded soldiers.
* MATH.1 Subject Quotes from lecturers at Cambridge University, England Date 4 Jul 90 233005 GMT [original author unknown] This f
* MATH.2 Subject More Cambridge Quotes Date 15 Jul 90 233008 GMT 1988 (contd.) and another one from a 1A Engineering maths lecture 'Graphs of higher degree polynomials have this habit of doing
* MATH.FAR Article 2097 of eunet.jokes Subject Mathematics Date 2 Mar 89 112053 GMT References Hi! I got this joke that you might already know, but I haven't seen it posted recently - Reforming
* MEINKAMP.HUM Mein Kampf You wake up after a night full of dreaming. Odd, that. You rarely dreamed before. Odd dreams, too. Not particularly weird, but very active, about odd things. Strangely luci
* MELODRAM.HUM ALL THAT GLITTERS Cast Polly Pureheart - A sweet golden-haired girl with the flush of youth on her cheeks. Mom Pureheart - Polly's mother, a widow woman who knows the value of a dolla
* MEMO.HUM MEMO TO All personnel From Personnel Department
* MENSROOM.JOK Subject male bathroom rules Date 27 Aug 90 233005 GMT [We thought of this late one night.] A GUIDE TO PROPER ETIQUETTE IN THE MEN'S RESTROOM Ever since man crawled out of the primordi
* MERRY.TXT The Merry Pranksters And the Art of the Hoax By Mark Dery Sunday, December 23, 1990 Transcribed by Dr. Strangelove Just Say Yes 415-922-2008 'HAVEN'T YOU EVER WANTED TO PUT YOUR foot
* MIAMADVI.HUM MIAMI AD-VICE By Thos. M. O'Brien The Catholic Diocese of southern Florida, in anticipation of the Pope's intended visit early next year, has apparently decided there aren't enough pr
* MIAMI.HUM 8-25-86 Go Bare Light streaks through the blinds. Shadows are seen dancing on the far walls of his room. Images flicker as the breeze gently moves the Levelors about, the window ajar.
* MIAMIMTH.TXT CITY OF MAIMI HIGH SCHOOL MATHAMATICS PROFICIENCY EXAM Name Gang _ 1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and sh
* MIDDLE.AGE From cs4e3acmaccs.dcss.mcmaster.ca Tue Nov 21 193940 1989 Subject Re Best Quote Ever Here is an article from the Toronto Star about five years ago. It is a history of Europe from the
* MIRANDA.HUM Most people who have ever watch a cop show are familiar with the Miranda warning. This is the one that starts out with 'You have the right to remain silent.' Following are suggested '
* MISC.1 an anecdote from IBM's Yorktown Heights Research Center. When a programmer used his new computer terminal, all was fi
* MISERY.HUM Misery Is not having any money when the representative comes to your house selling Mafia cookies. laughing at your husband because he can't get into his old army uniform and the you
* MISSHEAV.HUM Missing Heaven by 18 Inches Does this title startle you? Howÿcan anyone get so close and yet in the end hear the Lord ÿsay, 'I never knew you Depart from me'? (MATTHEW 723). However,
* MONTPYTH.HUM Monty Python Interview 'Q' Magazine August, 1987 It could have been The Toad-Elevating Moment. Or, had their eyes been more firmly focused on ratings, simply Sex Violence. A Horse,
* MOOSE.TXT Embrace Ltd. of Uggadunk V3.0 says In 1988 Uggadunk V3.0 was formed by some Computer Engineer students at the university of Karlstad, Sweden. During some very boring lessons in Pascal
* MOSLEM.TXT Important tips for Mideastern Travelers Here is a list of useful phrases to know when traveling in Moselem areas Akbar khalil-kili haftir loftan. 'Thank you for showing me your marvel
* MOTHERS.TXT MOTHER'S DICTIONARY AMNESIA condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. BOTTLE FEEDING an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too. DEFENSE what you
* MOTRBIKE.JOK Subject N reasons why motorcycles are better than women (sex-stereotyping) Keywords sexual stereotypes, rot13, chuckle, original Date 10 Apr 90 093052 GMT Sender newslooking.on.ca Rep
* MOWERS.TXT Department of Agriculture Bulletin 265 (Some Notes on the Operation of Rotary Lawn Mowers) Power driven rotary lawn mowers are a great boon to shiftless suburbanites whose lawns are f
* MRSCIENC.HUM THIS IS AN OMNIBUS OF THE FIRST FIFTEEN MR. SCIENCE ANSWERS. READ AND ENJOY. THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR MR. SCIENCE! QUESTION FROM DR. WHO? -WHAT HAPPENS TO ESCALATOR STEP
* MR~1.ROG Date 11 Dec 1984 2004-PST To HUMAN-NETS at MIT-MC Subject Mr. Rogers in the nuclear neighborhood. To Info-CobolMIT-MC n034 1025 11 Dec 84 BC-CHEER (Newhouse 002) (Note to editors Kare
* MTM.HUM MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW By Bruce T. Goldman This listing is based on Video Review August, 1983 by Jim Farber. There were 168 episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore Show based on 24 shows for
* MUNDANE.V2 The Mundanity test Version 2.0 12-01/90 This test is entered in the public domain, there is no copyright. We request that all information found herein be credited to the Northern Ariz
* MURPH.JOK Article 2172 of eunet.jokes Subject Re Murphy's computer laws Date 15 Mar 89 141522 GMT As requested, Murphy's Laws, etc. - MURPHY'S LAWS AND OTHER OBSERVATIONS MURPHY'S LAWS 1. IF AN
* MURPHY.TXT MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT 1. You are not superman. 2. Recoilless rifles aren't. 3. Suppressive fire won't. 4. If it's stupid, but works, it ain't stupid. (Applies to computer hardware a
* MURPHYS.TXT THE ABSOLUTE LAWS TO LIVE BY Nature sides with the hidden flaw. Ralph's Observation It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. Cole's Law Thinl
* MURPHY_L.TXT FAMOUS MURPHY'S LAWS AND OTHER APHORISMS
* MUTATE.HUM Self-Mutation - ABSTRACT People are essentially compiled computer programs. When I work on the computer, I feel as though I'm inside the screen, living with the pixels, moving p
* MYDAYWSS.HUM The Hotel California [312] 234-6237 FORMATTED FOR UPPER LOWER CASE IN 80 COLUMNS .......... My Day With The Secret Servic
* MYHEART.HUM My Heart - Christ's Home By Robert Munger (C) Copyright 1954 Inter-Varsity C.F.
* NAIVEWIZ.HUM A Children's Guide to MagicBy the Silver Ghost Once upon a time, there was a wizard. All wizards had specialties. Unlike other wizards, this wizard's special-ty wasn't Nuclear Destruc
* NAUGHTY.HUM OOOOOOOOO /-\ Words That Are Not Heard On Public T.V.
* NETNEWS.10 Subject An Important Top Ten List. Date 21 Aug 89 135357 GMT Top Ten Problems with Netnews 10. Too many people think they're lawyers and know everything about copyright laws and how (
* NEWCONST.HUM One point that might be overlooked on the two-hundredth anniversary of the Constitution is the technology of the time. 1787 State-of-the-art consisted of goose quill pens and parchmen
* NEWMEX.HUM SEE THE MAP; SEE THE U.S.; SEE NEW MEXICO; NO, NEW MEXICO By Eugene Carlson for the Wall Street Journal 11/17/86 p. 37 Geography has never been the strong suit of Americans. To prove
* NEWS.HUM SHORT TAKES
* NIGEL.1 From davethrc63.co.uk Sat May 13 093120 1989 Subject Nigel The Hedgehog, part one Gary davet The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter one Nigel was no ordinary hedgehog.
* NIGEL.10 From davethrc63.uucp Thu Jul 6 134945 1989 Subject Nigel the Hedgehog, Chapters ten and eleven The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter X
* NIGEL.2 From davethrc63.co.uk Thu May 25 112127 1989 Subject Nigel the Hedgehog, Chapter II - News saved at 22 May 89 120257 GMT Authors kelly kelvin cmw adrian davet aktar gary The S
* NIGEL.3 From davethrc63.co.uk Fri Jun 2 120552 1989 Subject Nigel the Hedgehog chapter three (very long) Authors Part I Part II Gary Chris Sophy Dave kelly sophy aktar pete Gary Chris
* NIGEL.4 From davethrc63.co.uk Fri Jun 2 120536 1989 Subject Nigel The Hedgehog, Chapter four The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter IV Authors
* NIGEL.5 From davethrc63.co.uk Mon Jun 12 170136 1989 Subject Nigel The Hedgehog, chapter five The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter V ~ Authors C
* NIGEL.6 From davethrc63.co.uk Mon Jun 12 170143 1989 Subject Nigel the Hedgehog, Chapter six (long) The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter VI A
* NIGEL.7 From davethrc63.co.uk Sat Jun 17 164726 1989 Subject Nigel the Hedgehog, Chapter seven The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter VII ~ Auth
* NIGEL10.TXT The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter X ~ Authors Chapters I - IX Kelvin Pete Chris Gary Aktar Davet Kelvin Pete Chris Nigel thought about t
* NIHGEL_8.9 From davethrc63.co.uk Tue Jul 4 084538 1989 Subject Nigel the Hedgehog, chapters 8 and 9 The Saga of Nigel the Hedgehog Chapter VIII ~
* NINTENDO.JOK From ewhacwell.UUCP Wed Jun 14 053004 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Let's see if this surprises you. Keywords true, chuckle Date 14 Jun 89 103004 GMT Sender funnylooking.on.ca Appro
* NOVEL.HUM [-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-] [-] A Science Fiction BlabNovel-From DATANET (215)-563-9815 [-] [-] Ripped off and edited by The Slipped
* NUKE.HUM PART I MAKING YOUR BOMB Making and owning an H-bomb is the kind of challenge real Americans seek. Who wants to be a passive victim of nuclear war when with a little effort you can be
* NUKEPLAY.HUM NUCLEAR WAR AND THE POLITICS OF AGRESSION By The Mathematician A play. ...............
* NUKEWAR.JOK Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence 1. Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb; use the stairs. 2. When you're flying through the air, remember
* NUMBER_K.ILL Date Wednesday, 15 September 1982 2234-EDT To '[humor;number killer]' at mc, info-cobol at MIT-MC, bboards at SU-SCORE Sender HDT at MIT-OZ Subject [Frank Yellin FNY at SU-AI] Mail-fr
* NUMBER~1.KIL Date Wednesday, 15 September 1982 2234-EDT To '[humor;number killer]' at mc, info-cobol at MIT-MC, bboards at SU-SCORE Sender HDT at MIT-OZ Subject [Frank Yellin FNY at SU-AI] Mail-fr
* NURDS.HUM BREW'S FROM MAD MAX DATE ICED THU AUG 16 114938 AM WHAT MAKES A NURD MOST The other day, before the awsome and wild picnic, my sister asked me, 'Why are you going to that stupid picni
* NYSUCKS.HUM New York, Boston, and everywhere else east of California is WHERE DOGS ACTUALLY HAVE CORRODED THROUGH 1200 FIRE HYDRANTS. WHERE 'GETTING BACK TO NATURE' MEANS SPRAYING AGAINST COCKROA
* O-TTALK.HUM ORCUTT-TALK The Definitive Dictionary. Presented by his good friend, Jason Scott. The civilized world has had a great lacking in terms of its linguistic variety. In upstate NY, there
* ODD_TO.OBS Odd to Obscurity by M. Gemignani Gauss, Euler, and Hilbert - we often read about the great mathematicians, but rarely about the thousands who toil in total obscurity. While it is obvi
* ODEARAKK.HUM Ode to Arrakis Paid access? HA! 'Forsooth,' said The Bandit, 'Tis The Author for sure!' 'Right,' said A4, 'It's the deserts allure.' 'No!' said Main Genius, 'It m
* OFFICE.TXT For anyone who hasn't seen this yet. In the beginning there was the Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substa
* OHANDRE.HUM OH, ANDREA MITCHELL! By Thos. O'Brien I thought I was going all fuzzy around the edges when I heard a news report by Andrea Mitchell scolding lower level Reagan administration personn
* OILGLUTS.HUM OIL GLUTS ARE FOR GLUTTONS There is an oil glut. OPEC countries have lots more oil available than non-oil producing nations are buying. The price of crude oils is going down, somethin
* OLDENG.HUM THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. 'One Of A Kind' From the Electronic Edition of One-To-One by Jay Trachman 'Come in, sit down,' he commanded as I strolled past the transmitter r
* OLDTIME.SNG 192/197 23 Mar 90 101552 To All Subj Real Old Time Religion Attr Just for fun, here's all the verses I have for this one.any more out there? THE REAL OLD TIME RELIGION -only a few of
* ONE.PAR Subject Opens on Impact THE PARACHUTE PARADIGM You are one of two people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. Pessimist you refuse the parachute because you might die
* ONETOONE.HUM THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. Welcome to the Electronic Edition of One to One, the world's largest weekly information and humor service for broadcasters, for the week of Octo
* ONETOTWO.HUM THE FOLLOWING IS COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL. Welcome to the Electronic Edition of One to One, the world's largest weekly information and humor service for broadcasters, for the week of Octo
* OOKPIK.HUM OOK.PIK Night; and a Dark Moon. Festoons. The Chocolate Chip Croissant [hereinafter refered to as `c/3'] resides, splend'drous, in state as it were, an aura of piquant expectancy fill
* OPINION.HUM READER SURVEY Please record your responses to the questions below with pen-and-paper; then, enter our 'Send Us a Message' area to record your answers. Be sure to enter your name and a
* ORACLE.JOK Article 3430 of news.misc From kinzleriuvax.cs.indiana.edu (Stephen Kinzler) Subject The Usenet Oracle is now available! Date 8 Oct 89 003709 GMT The Usenet Oracle has pondered your q
* OURFATHR.TXT SUBJECT The Revised Lord's Prayer The revised Lord's Prayer as sent by The Reverend Kenneth Scott of Thornhill, Ontario to the Toronto _GlobeMail_ and there published Saturday, 15 Nov
* OUTAWORK.ERL Subject 99 Excuses For Skipping Out Of Work Early 99 Excuses For Skipping Out Of Work Early 1. My kids are locked outside. 2. My kids are locked inside. 3. My kids are stuck in the do
* OXYMORON.JOK From brendanjolnet.ORPK.IL.US Thu Jun 22 133627 1989 Subject Oxymoron ( A friend sent me this.the reference at the end is, I believe, just a suggestion, not the source of it (this was
* OXYMORON.TXT O X Y M O R O N Sound of Silence Dream Reality Clear As Mud Near Miss Military Intelligence Led Zeppelin Perfectly Wrong Weather Forcast Icy Hot Same Dif
* OZARKS.HUM A LITTLE KNOWN CASTLE IN THE OZARKS My wife and I took ourselves and the kids to the Ozarks last weekend. Now, this is obviously going to take some explaining. First of all, the Ozark
* P-LAW.HUM The Power of Law by Danny Zablishinsky (to the tune of 'The Power of Love' by Huwie Luis and The News) The power of Law is a curious thing Makes the victims pay Makes the criminal sin
* PARABL.HUM The Parable of the Prodigal Student by Mike Mahoney And he said A teacher had two students. The younger of them came to him one day and said, 'Teacher, give me thy syllabus, and that
* PASSAGE.HUM Fall, 1977 Carol Dietz got off the train in Boston and didn't look back. The way some people wait for the chance at an audition, or a job interview, or for the right look in someone's
* PASSENGE.SIM Subject NEW flight simulator Date 8 Apr 92 060809 GMT A NEW CONCEPT IN FLIGHT SIMULATORS Coming soon from The Me
* PEANUTS.TXT HOW TO OPEN A PACKET OF DRY ROASTED PEANUTS. 1) Hold the packet upright in your left hand. 2) Turn it round so that the front is facing away from you. 3) Grasp the packet 3/4' from th
* PEATCHP.HUM Capture Buffer Transfer No error detection/correction Opening capture buffer. THE GREAT PEACH PILFERAGE by Bruce E. Rodgers William woke up and knew right away it was a snow day. Some
* PECKER.TXT Open letter to Tax Payers. Dear Tax Payers The only thing the Internal Revenue Service has not taxed is your Pecker. This is due to the fact that 40 of the time it is hanging around u
* PENISPRT.TXT 'WOMAN CLIPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBANDS PENIS, THROWS IT FROM MOVING CAR' .. Don't laugh!!!! It could happen to you!!! Right now, thousands of agitated, irate women have read that headline
* PEPSIDEG.TXT \/ \/ Pepsi Degeneration by morpheo
* PHONY.HUM REAL PHONY HOUSE PLANTS Few people react adversely to the calming presence of tropical foliage indoors. There is a quality of benign serenity to a green leafy plant near a window or s
* PHORSE.HUM THE PURPLE HORSE Not By Don Marquis Christopher Smegley was a stable boy for the Rappaport family. He was a good stable boy. He kept the horses brushed and exercised and watered and f
* PHUNATDI.ANA HOW TO HAVE PHUN AT YOUR PARENTS DINNER PARTY -another uncreative attempt at writing a text file- By Mr Mullins [the mister with out a period] Intro - Okay, by know you've probably re
* PICKUP.LIN Subject Re Bad Pickup Lines Date 9 Dec 1993 142454 -0500 Got this out of the Beavis Butt-Head book GUARANTEED EFFECTIVE PICKUP LINES 1) Uh, hey baby. 2) Uh, do you like come here ofte
* PICKUP.TXT NOTE WELL..this is the compilation of all pickup lines delivered following my request. Thank you to all who contributed. This is going to be offensive to women and men so please do no
* PIPESPEC.TXT IRISH GOVERNMENT PIPE SPECIFICATIONS! 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the ent
* PIZZAWHO.HUM THE EFFECT OF DIMENSIONAL TRANSCENDENCE ON MOZZARELLA CHEESE You usually find the TARDIS's galley by accident, if at all. That was the way Nyssa found it that morning. She had actuall
* PLANEGET.HUM ! HELLO FOLKS THIS IS YOUR GUIDE TO! !PLANE HIJACKING (WITHOUT HURTING ! ! ANYONE).ITS REAL EASY ! STEP 1 {MAKEING YOUR FAKE BOMB} FIRST THING TO DO IS GET 4 FLARE AND TAPE THEM TOGET
* POLEMOM.TXT Letter to son from Polish Mom Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you cannot read fast. You won't know
* POLICPIG.HUM A Calling A Policemen A Pig! H B A New Concept From
* POLI_T.ICS POLITICS MADE SIMPLE Do you have trouble understanding politics? If so, the following primer (thanks to the Manitoban - University of Manitoba) should clear it up for you. No bull.
* POLI~1.TIC POLITICS MADE SIMPLE Do you have trouble understanding politics? If so, the following primer (thanks to the Manitoban - University of Manitoba) should clear it up for you. No bull.
* POLL2RES.HUM OMNI Opinion Poll Results PREDICTIONS FOR 2007 The results of the second OMNI Opinion Poll, concerning predictions for the year 2007, turned up some interesting ideas. The least chang
* POLLY.TXT Date Fri, 16 Feb 90 194934 GMT Subject Strange loops. Sender Traditional Nutty Stuff NUTSFINHUTC.bitnet To Joe Desbonnet phydesbonnetvax1.ucg.ie Comments Warning original Sender tag w
* POLYGLOT.C Subject Generic Program (was Re Date of first ) Date 25 Aug 91 061850 GMT References KHB.91Aug23143926chiba.Eng.Sun.COM Sender newsrata.vuw.ac.nz (USENET News System) In-Reply-To bagc
* POPCONC.HUM POPE CONCERTS Purveyors of popular music ply their wares at concerts. You have to follow the group's itinerary hoping they'll come to your town to play, if they're popular, at the loc
* POPMUSI.HUM POP MUSIC EXPLAINED By Thos. M. O'Brien I was watching late-night television recently and, contrary to its usual effect on my metabolism, my eyes were opened! I'm talking about pop mu
* POTTY.TXT A GUIDE TO PROPER ETIQUETTE IN THE MEN'S RESTROOM Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built him
* POURNELL.SPO Article 18143 of comp.sys.ibm.pc Subject Semi-Annual Posting of my Jerry Pournelle Spoof Date 21 Dec 88 012225 GMT Sender usenethelios.ee.lbl.gov I can't stand Jerry Pournelle. I real
* PRAC1.JOK From davidvsco.COM Sat Dec 2 095306 1989 Subject Super Collection of Practical Jokes (part 1 of 4) here it is, as promised (and requested), 3500 lines of practical (and not so practic
* PRAC3.JOK From davidvsco.COM Sat Dec 2 095731 1989 Subject Super Collection of Practical Jokes (part 3 of 4) You take the top off the standard sugar dispenser found at restaraunts around the co
* PRAC4.JOK From davidvsco.COM Sat Dec 2 095742 1989 Subject Super Collection of Practical Jokes (part 4 of 4) Odd that no-one mentioned the fun to be had with all the new and wonderful phone fea
* PRAWBLIM.HUM Have you ever wondered who the slobs sitting up in the board room think the audience is when they issue their midday commercials? You know, the commercials you see when your watching
* PRAYER.HUM Governer Edward's Prayer
* PRIMES.JOK From cate3.osbunorthxerox.com Sat May 19 123449 1990 Subject Is nine prime? Lawyers one is prime, three is prime, five is prime, seven is prime, although there appears to be prima fac
* PRINCESS.BRD From cmkuovondrake.cc.UTEXAS.EDU Thu Dec 21 152908 1989 Flags 000000000201 Subject The 'Reunion Scene' from _The_Princess_Bride_ Date 21 Dec 89 113008 GMT Remember in the book _The_Pr
* PRO-FACT.HUM MISCELLANEOUS FACTS ABOUT ABORTION James and Joan Werning 714-596-3444 (see end for more complete references) STATISTICS Over 1.5 million abortions are done per year in the United Sta
* PROBLEM.TXT PROBLEM SOLVING FLOWCHART _ YES_ Does the damn NO thing work -
* PROGRS.GPH 30 / Ctrl-S to Start/Stop Ctrl-X to exit/ /?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\/?\ THE DEFINATE LAST WORD ON GEEKS BY - THAT MASTER OF MISINFORMATION
* PROOF.MET From cate3.osbunorthxerox.com Fri Aug 31 193353 1990 Subject How to prove something Survey of proof techniques This survey was written by Dana Angluin. Not really sure where it came f
* PROOFTEC.TXT Proof techniques 1 Proof by Induction. This technique is used on equations with 'n' in them. Induction techniques are very popular, even the military used them. SAMPLE Proof of induct
* PROPOSAL.JOK From a218mindlink.UUCP Thu Sep 21 112153 1989 Subject What those proposals really mean I came across this while cleaning out some old files. PROPOSAL PHRASE MEANING You are fo
* PROVER_W.ISO The Book of PROVERBIAL WISDOM SON, I sayeth, son, if thou wouldst get wise and have wisdom, incline thy ear to my words, and keep shut thy mouth; For all the world honoreth wisdom, bu
* PROVER~1.WIS The Book of PROVERBIAL WISDOM SON, I sayeth, son, if thou wouldst get wise and have wisdom, incline thy ear to my words, and keep shut thy mouth; For all the world honoreth wisdom, bu
* PSALM23.TXT Psalm 23 1992 Version Bush is my shepherd, I shall not want He leadeth me besides the still factories He maketh me to lie down on Park Benches He restorth my doubts in the Republican
* PSALM_RE.AGA Subject President Reagan Psalm of Reagan Reagan is my shepherd, I shall not want. He leadeth me beside the still factories. He restoreth my doubt in the republican party. He guideth m
* PSALM~1.REA Subject President Reagan Psalm of Reagan Reagan is my shepherd, I shall not want. He leadeth me beside the still factories. He restoreth my doubt in the republican party. He guideth m
* PSILAINE.HUM Welcome to. Psi-Laine Magazine,Issue1 2/4/88 Introduction A few theoretical 'facts' taken as truth for these files. A god(any god,to ignore religion,)was bored. He created a sport,an
* PSYCHO.TXT -)Managing Interpersonal Relationships Here is a memory refresher for those who have taken the 'Managing Interpersonal Relationships' (MIR) course. If you haven't taken the course yet
* PSYCH_PR.QUO A collection of quotes from Professor Ralph Noble, a professor of psychology here at RPI. Specifically, these were taken from his Psychology of Motivation class, Fall semester 1991. -
* PUKEPROM.JOK From werner Thu Oct 27 140634 1988 Flags 000000000001 Subject My Story of Puking at My Prom After Eating Pizza Drunk! Keywords gross, original, chuckle Date 28 Nov 88 033003 GMT {ed B
* PUN.TXT It seems that there were these 3 pregnant Indian Squaws, all due to give birth at about the same time. The first squaw gave birth to a boy, and the birthing was done on a deer hide. T
* PURE.MAT From hallvice.ico.tek.comrelay.cs.net Fri Aug 17 091719 1990 Subject Pure Mathematics Keywords science, smirk [Acquired many years ago from the Math Department at Brigham Young Univer
* PUSSY.HUM Dear WiZ, I have wanted to tell you for some time Just how much I enJoy your column. next to handcuffing the old ladies wrists to her ankles and then {++++++}, its the most fun I get
* PUZZLE.SPO Article 596 of sci.physics Subject Re Mathematical Puzzle] Date 21 Mar 88 182819 GMT Assuming the integers must be 'different', it follows that sum 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 possible 1
* PUZZLES.JOK Subject Lateral Thinking Puzzles Revisited Date 19 Aug 90 233004 GMT In article 5522uwm.edu bnkcsd4.csd.uwm.edu (Bob N Keenan) writes Scene There is a dead man in a garage surrounded
* PYTHON_S.ONG Philosophers song Immanual Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table David Hume could out consume
* Q.PUN Once again, Q wants to join Starfleet. An application is sent to the Fed., while Q remains abord the Ent. to learn the ropes. Of course, he 'gets in the way' of several of our favorit
* QUACK26.TXT THE OH SO HOLY BOOK OF
* QUANTUM.JOK From arensbcvl.umd.edu Thu Jun 8 053004 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Quantum physics Keywords original, funny Date 8 Jun 89 103004 GMT Sender funnylooking.on.ca Approved funnylooki
* QUEST.HUM Quest = by Plastique Cothar rode slowly through the forest, ducking occasionally to avoid low branches across the trail. Looking down he noticed that he had somehow opened the wound o
* QUICK.JOK Adolescence, n The stage between puberty and adultery. Adult, n One old enough to know better. Adultery, n Putting yourself in someone else's position. Afternoon, n That part of the d
* QUOTES.BUG Article 828 of rec.humor.funny Subject Bug out Date 7 Oct 90 233007 GMT Here's a list of famous quotes and words of wisdom developed by the engineers from the now defunct Salt Lake Ci
* QUOTES.JOK Article 1 of rec.arts.movies Subject My quotes file Date 16 Jan 89 232716 GMT Sender gradyfxgrp.UUCP Xref santra rec.games.trivia1062 rec.arts.movies1 OK, I guess it's time for me to
* QUOTES.TXT .RS Stop and Smell the Flowers Don't hurry, don't worry. You're only here for a short visit. So be sure and smell the flowers. Walter C. Hagen There is always one moment in childhood
* QUUX_P.OEM Random Poetry and Other Losses printed April 17, 1979 Random Poetry and Other Losses The Great Quux (C) Copyright 1978 by Guy L. Steele Jr. All rights reserved. Any similarity of anyt
* RABBIT.TXT Article 20263 of rec.humor Subject Re Confess That You Are A Rabbit Date 4 Jan 89 035754 GMT Sender usenetucbvax.BERKELEY.EDU Xref ucdavis talk.politics.mideast8460 rec.humor20263 It'
* RACIST.NET From werner Thu Oct 27 140634 1988 Flags 000000000001 Subject KW Record Article on Joke Debate Keywords administrivia Date 30 Nov 88 202015 GMT The following article appears today on
* RADIOLAF.HUM By PETER S. HAWES BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (AP) For almost three years a team of comedians has spiced up morning drive-time radio shows from Massachusetts to Guam, with a simple philosophy '
* RAPMASTR.HUM \Reagan Rap\ lyrics to 'Rap Master Ronnie' by Doonesbury Break Crew. Begin Ok, Reagan campaign message for minority voters, take 37. Can it off, Mr. President. Reagan 5. 6. 7. 8. uhh.
* RATINGS.HUM ROCK RECORD RATINGS A group of influential women in Washington, D.C., has been pressuring Congress to enact legislation to force the recording industry to affix warning labels on reco
* RATSPIT.HUM DI-ETHYLENE BROMATE - BY - STUD MUFFIN (Shamelessly captured from the Message base of The Works BBS by his erstwhile companion and fellow blinkie-thief, The Mathematician) A metachemi
* RAVEN.HUM . INTERIM REPORT ON THE RAVENFrom 'The Best of the Journal of Irreproducible Results'Written byDr. C.F. EnglebretsenBishop's UniversityLennoxville, Quebec, Canada Whatev r data confir
* README.BAT Article 73 of eunet.jokes Subject Batman up to date. Date 14 Mar 88 100747 GMT Well I liked it . Holy Time-Warp Batman by Nick Broom (Punch) (Wayne manor, Batman and Robin have just r
* REAGAN.HUM RONALD REAGAN April 17, 1984 Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth's Hospital Washington D.C. 06969 Dear John Nancy and I hope you are making good progress in your recovery from the mental p
* REALEST.TXT Real Estate Ad's Translated! The first problem facing a home buyer, is money. The second is learning a new language; the language of real estate advertisments. Real estate ad's, of co
* REASONS.TXT No description yet
* REC.POR From badwonder.UUCP Mon Apr 3 171654 1989 Subject The last word on the rec.porn.child debate Hello. I'm Bad Temperton. You probably know me best as the moderator of the wildly popular
* REDDYE.HUM CAUGHT RED HANDED In my city yesterday, a man robbed a bank. (I think it was the only bank robbery of the day, but don't guarantee it in case someone is later caught for having embezz
* REDNECKS.TXT YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK IF. You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house. Your idea of safe sex doesn't include a
* RELATIVE.ADA Copyright 1991 Patrick D. Scannell Used by Permission 'Relativity' PART ONE Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, the top physicists in the universe (plus a couple of programmers)
* RENTALS.HUM RENTAL CARS Due to an accident, the cause of which was the haste of a young man to turn left in front of my wife's oncoming small car, we have been renting cars for about a month now.
* REPAIR.HUM HOW TO REPAIR ELECTRONIC EQUIPMENT 1. Approach the ailing instument in a confident manner. This will give the instrument the mistaken idea that you know something. It will also impres
* REPORT.HUM Jason Scott 5/8/86 English Essay Mods NOOP Essay The book of 'Ethan Frome', concentrating on theme. = When reading throug
* RESEARCH.HUM RESEARCH DEFINITIONS The following phrases, frequently found in technical writings, are defined here for your edification and enlightenment. This list was plagiarized from some unknow
* RESIDNCY.JOK From stuartrassilon.UUCP Fri Jun 23 053007 1989 Flags 000000000001 Subject Residency in New England Keywords political state stereotypes, funny Date 23 Jun 89 103007 GMT Sender funnyl
* RESRCH_P.HRA Dictionary of useful Research Phrases 'It has long been known.' I didn't look up the original references 'A definite trend is evident.' These data are practically meaningless 'Of grea
* REVOLT.DJ L.U.C.I.P.H.E.R. presents. D I C K A N D J A N E I N S T I G A T E A P O P U L A R R E V O L U T I O N By The Deth Vegetable and Iskra See Dick. Dick is a peasant farmer! See Jane. Ja
* RINALDOS.LAW Article 107 of rec.humor.funny Subject Rinaldo's laws of organizations Keywords chuckle Date 9 Mar 89 113006 GMT Sender funnylooking.UUCP Approved funnylooking.UUCP Reply-Path linus!x
* RINALDOS.TXT Rinaldo's Laws As I will be leaving the Washington area in early May, I thought it appropriate to share the wisdom that I have accumulated thus far. These truths have come not as a vi
* RIPOFFPC.HUM Robert Briggs P.O. Box 7175 Murray, UT 84107-0175 SYSOP of FIDO 15/464 (801) 264-8290 To Anyone who purchases IBM-PC products, all Bulletin board SYSOP's and users. A bulletin that I
* ROACH.ASC SEARCH IS ON FOR WORLD'S BIGGEST ROACH The next time you are about to step on that roach scampering across the floor, think twice. If it looks big, really big, it could win you a trip
* ROADPIZZ.TXT The Complete Guide to Road Pizza - 4/26/86 Written by Black Kat [Call Ultimate Dimensions 20 Meg CF/BBS] -716/773-0096-
* ROCKING.HUM THIEVE'S WORLD . . 616/344-2718 . . Run on the one, the o
* ROCKMUS.HUM THE EFFECTS OF ROCK MUSIC A fifteen year old Tampa Bay boy filled his mouth with lighter fluid and blew it out of his mouth across a torch, ÿlike Gene Simmons of KISS, and the ÿflame
* ROCKY.HOR / This copy was obtained (rather indirectly) from the Dartmouth College Computing Center. Rumour has it that it was typed in from the movie but, as it occured some while ago, no one i
* ROCKY_HO.RRO / This copy was obtained (rather indirectly) from the Dartmouth College Computing Center. Rumour has it that it was typed in from the movie but, as it occured some while ago, no one i
* ROLLS.HUM WOULD YOU BUY A USED ROLLS FROM THIS BHAGWAN? It's not often that we are treated to the spectacle of a religion's founder declaring that religion dead. Political movements, occasional
* ROMANCE.HUM ROMANCE NOVEL NO. 209 By Fauna L. Tabbycat Pat was a pert five-foot three-inch brunette with a knack for brassy banter and a willing smile that could brighten twilight into day withou
* ROOMMATE.CON Subject Roommate Confusion Date 5 Jan 93 202714 GMT Now that everone is starting to get back from winter break, I thought I would share something with you. I here bye remove myself fr
* ROSEANNA.HUM When I was in high school, I was in love constantly. With different girls, to be sure, but still constantly in love. It was mostly one-sided love, but that was okay. It wasn't necessa
* ROTTEN.JOK You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when. you wake up face down on the pavement you put your bra on backwards and it fits better you call suicide prevention and they put you on
* ROTTEND.TXT You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when. you wake up face down on the pavement you put your bra on backwards and it fits better you call suicide prevention and they put you on
* ROYALFAM.TXT The Royal Family - Inbred genetic mutants or hereditary con-artists? Many of the more astute USAns amongst the alt.peeves audience will no doubt have noticed that many of the postings
* RUBBERUS.HUM /\ ! ! ! The Banana Peel and ! ! The Garbage Can ! ! ! ! P R E S E N T ! ! ! ! 50 EXTEN
* RUDEFLIK.JOK From moriartytc.fluke.COM.UUCP Mon Aug 8 103003 1988 Subject Miss Dish's Lament Keywords long, chuckle [originally posted in rec.arts.movies] This was taken from the program of the 14
* RUDENESS.HUM RUDENESS-TO-REAGAN AWARDS Take a Lesson From Avis, Sam ABC's Sam Donaldson has come in second to House Speaker Tip O'Neill in a list of the 10 most ill-mannered Americans. (How my mot
* RULES.TXT Cardinal Rules If you open it close it. If you turn it on turn it off. If you unlock it lock it. If you break it repair it. If you can't fix it call in someone who can. If you b
* RULESFOR.TXT Rules for Writers Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. P
* RUMORMIL.HUM RUMOR ROOM ON LOCATION (In the Rumor Mill) drive your senses into overload as you descend the rickety ladder into.. THE RUMOR MILL! Hi! My code name is Boffo and I'm pleased you could
* SAFEFAX.TXT Guide to safe FAX Q How well should I know the person to insure having safe fax? A It generally helps to know the person you are faxing, especially if you want meaningful fax. But the
* SAINTSID.HUM þò Type X1-74 to download [View] (1-74/q/?-List) 60 The Hotel California [312] 234-6237 A Visit By Saint Vicious- 'Twas the night before New Year's, when everyone'd drunk, Not a rocke
* SAND.HUM Sandman Please hold my hand,said Hillary to the sand. I can not hold your hand said the sand for I have no shape or life! Then I shall make you into the shape of a man,said Hillary. F
* SAP.TXT SELECTIONS FROM THE SCHOLASTIC APTITUDE PREPARATORY TEST (the S.A.P.) ENGLISH 1. Which of the following is the correct answer to this question? a. b. c. d. e. none of the above 2. ing
* SARAH_ST.ORY Date 2 Apr 1979 2211-EST Subject Sanity Sarah Stillwater, sitting silently, stared southward. Someone Sarah saw said, 'Seeing Sam soon?' 'Saturday,' said Sarah softly. Suddenly, Sarah
* SATANTRE.HUM The Lords of Twilight present. SATAN TREK - The Dying Generation - Vol I by his drunkeness, The Raver An official Lords of Twilight presentation Subj Re Holy parody, Batfuckman! Satan
* SAYINGS.HUM The following is a list of famous sayings as you have never heard them before. See how many you can figure out. Hint Number 1 is 'twinkle, twinkle, little star'. CELEBRATED ORACULAR U
* SAYINGS.TXT A SAYING FOR EVERY OCCASION, AND EVERY OCCASION FOR ITS SAYING Those Responsible Doctor Hartley M. Baldwin, Owner and manager of System Enterprises Jose the Chaotic The Queen of Confu
* SAYNO.HUM STARTING A 'JUST SAY NO' CLUB A well organized 'Just Say No' club plays a dual role in a school or community. First, it provides its members with continuing support for maintaining a
* SCAVENGE.93 Subject University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List (1993) Date Fri, 21 May 1993 215801 GMT This is a copy of the University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List for 1993. SCAVENGER HUNT 1993
* SCHOOL.MUD Date 23 May 92 233003 GMT Subject A long Item This is something I wrote a few months back which has been making the rounds at UCSC. It's very long, and my not be suitable for posting
* SCI.GRA From cate3.osbunorthxerox.com Tue Aug 7 130532 1990 Subject Graffiti with a twist Here's a collection of Scientific and Futuristic graffiti Microwaves frizz your heir. Got Mole proble
* SDVALLAH.HUM Urica's face contorts in grotesque fashion. She reaches up and grasps her throat, almost chokingher eyes feeling like they're bleeding, her nose running. She feels almost faint. Looki
* SEAGULL.TXT SeaGull Electronic University Fall Semester 1990 Self Improvement Courses SeaGull Electronic University Improvement Resource Center FALL QUARTER 1990 Self Improvement
* SEASTORY.TXT S E A S T O R Y The following story is courtesy of The Admiral Back in about 1968 or 69, we made port in Yokosuka, Japan. Seemed like a nice sort of place to be for a bunch of crazy s
* SECURITY.HUM SECURITY ON THE HOME FRONT By Robert Brooks Spies and security leaks are back in the news. To take advantage of the increased traffic, the Germans are thinking about raising the toll
* SELFSERV.TXT To Multiple recipients of list HUMOR Subject self serving excuses Date Sunday, April 10, 1994 236PM The Sunday 4/10/94 ed. of the Washington Post Style Invitational Challenge was to e
* SEXJOKES.FUN WHY IS EATING PUSSY LIKE DEALING WITH THE MAFIA? ONE SLIP OF THE TONGUE AND YOU'RE IN DEEP SHIT! WHICH ONE DOESN'T BELONG? 1) WIFE 2) MEAT 3) CLOCK 4) BLOW-JOB IT'S 4 BECAUSE. YOU CAN
* SFLVRS~1.HAC A Beautiful obsession with the binary world By Steven Levy She can kill all your files; She can freeze with a frown. And a wave of her hand brings the whole system down. An
* SHAGBOOK.JOK Heed my words, oh miniscule and pulchritudinous ones. Hear and heed, you who do not fellatiate, and you who know not the meaning of the great and high remex. The end is near. You must
* SHAME.HUM SHAME, KHADAFY! NAUGHTY! President Reagan invoked economic sanctions on Libya last week because of its reputation for harboring terrorist camps and antipathy to civilized intercourse.
* SHIT.1 In the Beginning there was The Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without Form And the Plan was completely without Substance And The Darkness was upon the fac
* SHIT.DEF After a recent bout with intestinal challenges, I came up with some more types of shit. For the benefit of those who have not seen the orginal post, here is the shi.ah. meat of it. Ma
* SHIT.TXT SHIT HAPPENS GHOST SHIT - The kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shitin the toilet. CLEAN SHIT - The kind where you shit it out, see
* SHITLIST.TXT Infamous The Shit List - Ghost Shit - You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the toilet. - Teflon Coated Shit - Comes out so slick, clean, and
* SHITMEMO.TXT TO All Users SUBJECT SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all users well tra
* SHORTIES.JOK From DRC100psuvm.psu.edu Sun Dec 2 152809 1990 Subject Collection of short jokes Keywords various, smirk {ed There are lots of quote collections out there. I prefer not to do 'em, bec
* SHRINK~1.NEW . From the SU-SCORE Bulletin board Date 1 Jul 1981 1436 PDT Subject From the Western Psychological Association Forwarded-By Woods at PARC Found in the June 'Psychology Today' . . the
* SHUTTLEB.HUM A\TEXT\SHUTTLE.TXT (29-Jan-86) 36 lines/80 columns/7-bit ASCII I think this text is considered public domain. If so, it may be freely distributed at your own discretion if it has not
* SIGNATUR.JOK From pokeywell.UUCP Sat Apr 16 181915 1988 Subject stupid .signatures Date 17 Apr 88 001915 GMT In the referenced message, stowesilver.UUCP (holly) wrote In article 5680well.UUCP poke
* SIGS.TXT Sig File Extension No.2 ~ Note a siganture file is placed at the end of your E-Mail message! It's out and ready! The Enormous Sig File Extension 2, coming right up.
* SIMP.TXT Simplified Integrated Modular Prose by THE BEAR himself! This file originated on the Cave BBS, Wellington, New Zealand. +64 4 697379. Pick at random any four digit number, such as 875
* SKIPPY.HUM A S K T H E E X P E R T ! WRITTEN BY (=- TRISTAN FARNON D'ARK ANGEL +---------------
* SKIPPY.TXT A S K T H E E X P E R T ! WRITTEN BY (=- TRISTAN FARNON D'ARK ANGEL +---------------
* SLOGANS.TXT List of possible slogans promoting National Condom Week 1. Cover your stump before you hump. 2. Before you attack her, wrap your wrapper. 3. Don't be silly, protect your willy. 4. Whe
* SMACKJOK.HUM SQ Welp, here's another file of jokes and lymricks for you to spit on. If ya don't like 'em, i heard that computer paper burns well in the fireplace, and adds a nice aroma to the room
* SMARTASS.TXT Instructions Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time Limit 4 hours. 1) H I S T O R Y Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentra
* SMILEY.TXT -) Joking or sarcastic face -} Fiendish grin ;-) A wink -( Sad or angry face -( Late night ~/~ Stirring up trouble -) the normal smiling face, appended to a sentence or an article mea
* SMOKERS.TXT For SMOKERS Only. One Kool Matinee, Peter Jackson drove to Buckingham in his Belueder. He picked up Miss Sweet Caporal and drove to visit the Remrand and Du Maurier families. Then he
* SMURF.COD Subject The SmurfCode. Date 5 Jan 1993 141803 -0800 dougcc.ysu.edu (Doug Sewell) wrote Anonymous FTP to spdcc.com. Get /pub/NBCS.V1.9, it explains the entire bear-codes (the most popu
* SMURF-03.TXT _ Smurf Squishers Handboo
* SMURFKIL.HUM Smurf Genocide Volume 1 /` /` rend them, smush them, beat them, mash them, squish the
* SMURFS.CC ++ ! A Compilation of Anti-Smurf Poetry ! ! ! !++ +-+! !!By The Highwayman, ! ! haotic !! !! and Th
* SMURF_CO.TXT Subject The SmurfCode. Date 5 Jan 1993 141803 -0800 dougcc.ysu.edu (Doug Sewell) wrote Anonymous FTP to spdcc.com. Get /pub/NBCS.V1.9, it explains the entire bear-codes (the most popu
* SNAKE_NG.RAS Tech Talk; May 23 1984 MIT's snake in the grass MIT junior Michael Fox had studied most of the night so he decided to relax in the sun on Killian Court with his pet. In fact, he fell
* SNIPE.TXT This article is excerpted from the Rocky Mountain Pagan Journal. Each issue of the Rocky Mountain Pagan Journal is published by High Plains Arts and Sciences; P.O. Box 620604, Littlet
* SOCCER.TXT [0;37;40m[2J[1;31m[3;13HTHE TOP 10 NEW PRECAUTIONS THE BRITISH HAV [3;55HE TAKEN TO AVOID[4;34HSOCCER VIOLENCE.[30m[6;12HÚÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ [6;24HÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ
* SOCECON.HUM The Freeman The Foundation for Economic Education, Inc. Irvington-on-Hudson, NY 10533 (914) 591-7230 February 1988 The 'New Socialism' by John K. Williams Five years go my native coun
* SOCIAL.HUM The Freeman The Foundation for Economic Education, Inc. Irvington-on-Hudson, NY 10533 (914) 591-7230 February 1988 Economic Power By Joseph S. Fulda Economic power is a recurring them
* SOCKS.DRX No description yet
* SOLELEER.HUM ( Sole Leer. Hello. Just recently in Cupertino (like a couple of days ago) a teenager named Todd Lear was found dead in his home. He had gotten a hold of a gun from somewhere (since t
* SOLVIETS.HUM THE SOVIETS What Are They Pulling Now? They kicked Andrei Gromyko upstairs and made him president. They have shuffled a lot of other people around in the Soviet hierarchy. Now they're
* SOME_HU.MOR Date 8 NOV 1976 2343-PST Subject HUMOR OF THE DAY a284 1630 04 Nov 76 AM-Brite and Brief, 440 SAN MATEO, Calif. (AP) - A sympathetic robber is on the loose in this San Francisco subur
* SPELING.MSK Here are some spellings and usages that indicate you're reading Popular English; none that I know of is yet to be found in any dictionary. While many distress me greatly when I see th
* SPELIN_R.IFO In a letter to 'The Economist' in Reader's Digest (ages ago), M.J.Shields, of Jarrow, England, points out that George Bernard Shaw, among others, urged spelling reform, suggesting tha
* SPIDER.HUM I make a Tarantula bite the leg of a young, well-fledged Sparrow, readyto leave the nest. A drop of blood flows; the wounded spot issurrounded by a reddish circle, changing to purple.
* SPYDUST.HUM SPY DUST MOPPED UP A Special Report In the '70s, there was a special communications shed which purportedly switched high-level government voice and data messages located behind a famo
* SQUIDS.GPH _ 'The True Definition of a SQUID' - Wr
* STANDARD.HUM YET ANOTHER MODEST PROPOSAL {} {} -The Roentgen Standard- {} {} {
* STARTREK.TXT Top 20 Signs that the Enterprise is Nearing the End of its Warranty _ 20 Impulse engines stall when used in reverse. 19 Digital speedom
* STEREO.TXT Troubleshooting Your New Stereo ~ P. Harris Problem Probable Cause Remedy Does not work Power plug in hand Place p
* STEROID.TXT ANNOUNCING the discovery of text file steroids!!! Do you need to bulk up that thin 1K text file of yours to a big 10K text file? You want to be the top uploader in your favorite phrea
* STONE.HUM Of the five persons in Gerald Baxter's hospital room, one was dying and another was unnoticed. Gerald lay on his deathbed; and his three best and lifelong friends sat in uncomfortable
* STRINE.TXT The following is taken from a publication called STRINE by Afferbeck Lauder. Published by Ure Smith, Sydney. It is reproduced below without permission. The book appears to date from a
* STRSDIET.TXT STRESS DIET - Author unknown BREAKFAST - 1/2 Grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz. skim milk LUNCH - 2 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie Herb T
* STUDENTB.TXT The World According To Student Bloopers It is truly astounding what havoc students can wreak upon the chronicles of the human race. I have pasted together the following 'history' of t
* ST_SILIC.TXT More Silliness this time from Saint Silicon Excerpted from THE COMPUTER CONNECTION, a radio program, from a couple of years ago. HAL-lelujah! Welcome, friends. We're here all the way
* SUBRDEAD.HUM The Suburban Book of the Dead Exile in Paradise Well, now for those StS fans, here it is the Official Release 1.0. It is not complete, but I didn't feel like writing anymore. I could,
* SUICIDE2.TXT 06601030305800 F0110030 9[.............]001 €++
* SUNGENU.HUM The Latest Cult Hero Dr. J.R. (Bob) Dobbs By Stephen G. Bloom Dallas Morning News DALLAS First there was the Gilgamesh, then the Bible, the Koran, the Book of Mormon, Dianetics, 'I'm
* SUPERMAR.RUL SuperMarket
* SYSADMIN.TXT Subject Field Guide to System Administrators Keywords laugh, original, computers Date Thu, 19 Nov 92 32510 EST Approved funnyclarinet.com KNOW YOUR UNIX SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR A FIELD G
* SYSMAN.TXT Extract from 'The Way It Is' - Warner/Davis Computer The black box that does your work for you. That's all you need to know Response Time Usually measured in nanoseconds; sometimes me
* T-10.HUM T-10, WHERE ARE YOU? Hello. This is T-10, heh. Well, I think I've got another one for you, heh. Bogart's been acting oddly lately; you ought to check him out. (Radio Announcer) nasall
* T-SHIRT.HUM AUGUST 2, 1983 T-SHIRTS THE HUMAN BUMPERSTICKER WHAT THE BUMPERSTICKER IS TO OUR CAR, THE T-SHIRT HAS BECOME TO OUR BODY. THE FACT IS, OF COURSE, THAT THE T-SHIRT, WITH ITS WIDE OPEN
* TAKENOTE.JOK From davidtpsuhcx Tue Aug 2 223002 1988 Subject taking notes. Keywords rec.humor, rec_humor_cull, chuckle Date 3 Aug 88 033002 GMT To all those Freshman note takers out there.here's a
* TALEBEAT.HUM -+)-=-(+- ! Rock ! ! and ! ! Reggae ! -+)-=-(+- The Story of Nick and the intergal- actic Break Dancer
* TALKBIZR.TXT Subject T.B Boxed Edition Date Fri, 11 Dec 92 033233 GMT TALK.BIZARRE, The Board Game !!! (copyright 1992 by Rigler-Labs) The game is played on a square board, with four corner square
* TAPING.HUM [The TAPING I by UNDERWAREZ.] A phone conversation between a cool pirate, and this 15 year old Spermin' Bermin'/Jeff Spicolli wanna be. AE Number? DUMP-STER AE Dialing D.U.M.P.S.T.E.R
* TEENS.TXT How To Survive the Terrible teens An owners guide QHow can I recognize an Adolescent?? A You can tell the adolescent not so much by the way he looks as by the way he slams the door in
* TEEVEE.HUM (Taken from Omni's Last Word page, written by Mitch Coleman and Dave Jaffe.) For years we've known that television signals from Earth were leaking into space, ready to be intercepted
* TELECOM.Q Subject Telecom Quotations Date 18 Nov 92 080000 GMT Remember the request the other day for telecom quotations? Here is the results. PAT Subject Telephone Quotations Summary Date 17 N
* TELEVISI.HUM How to work in television. -Or- Hand me that piano. by The Great Crumal Uploaded to The Fif
* TELEVISI.TXT How to work in television. -Or- Hand me that piano. by The Great Crumal Uploaded to The Fif
* TEMPHELL.JOK The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is Isaiah 3026, 'Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun s
* TERBEAR.TXT Bomb Shelter G-Files Presents
* TERMPOEM.TXT TERMINAL PANIC ! ! ! ! OR ! !
* TERMS.HUM THE SOUTH POLE...[312] 677-7140 AN UNABRIDGED, UNCOMMON, AND UNNECESSARY DICTIONARY OF COMPUTER TERMINALOGY
* TERRMCD'.HUM --HOW TO TERRORIZE MCDONALDS-- - Written By - - MODEM UZER - -------- NOW, ALTHO MCDONALDS IS FAMOUS FOR IT'S ADVERTISING AND
* TERRNIEG.HUM The Anarchist Proudly Presents 'How to terrorize the neighborhood' Preface Now everyone wants to have a little phun now and then in their neighborhood.In the following syllabus I hope
* TEST.HUM CURRENT AFFAIRS QUIZ January, 1984
* TEST.JOK From morgancsc32.dec.com Tue Dec 12 002520 1989 Subject Non-believers Guide to Testing Christians. TEST THOSE CHRISTIANS A Non-believer's Guide For Testing The True Christian. The Eve
* TEST2.JOK From morgancsc32.dec.com Fri Dec 15 175227 1989 Subject MORE TESTS FOR BIBLIOLATORS. Ammond sent this to me. Mikie? For the folks who have requested more. What I wrote up came from De
* TESTCHRI.TXT Here are more tests for our Bibliolators. Stronger test. Luke 1019 Jesus says that his disciples can walk on scorpions and snakes. Not everyone has a roomful of snakes. However you ca
* TEXICAN.DIC Subject Texas Crude Well, a week or so ago someone posted a request for Texasese (Texese?). Anyway, I finally found this file buried deep in my archives. Enjoy. Conversational Fragmen
* TEXICAN.LEX From wichershusc7.HARVARD.EDU Sat Jul 28 221654 1990 Subject Texas Crude Well, a week or so ago someone posted a request for Texasese (Texese?). Anyway, I finally found this file buri
* TEXTGRAP.HUM _ / Text Graphics for G-files, Articles and Messages- A primer and \ ( Selection done for all that really care by The Slipped Disk.
* TFEPISOD.HUM +-+ The following is an 'episode guide' to the stories which I have written. Included in this list are the dates upon which they were written, and a brief plot summary (which in no wa
* TFPOEMS.HUM When things go wrong as they usually will, When your daily road seems all uphill. When funds are low, And debts are high. When you try to smile, But can only cry. When you really feel
* THECUBE.HUM PIRATE PUBLICATION From _ UPPLYER _ Jon and Cindy lived in a small house, in the suburbs of a big city. Because they b
* THERMITE.ANA PrimoPyro1990 . Thermite Incendiaries and Formulas . DISCLAIMER The making and possesion of the following devices and mixtures is probably illegal in most communities. The incendiarie
* THESIS.BEH Subject Thesis Defense Don'ts Date 20 Aug 1993 175339 GMT 101 THINGS (NOT) TO DO AT OR FOR YOUR THESIS DEFENSE (in no particular order) Written by Peter Dutton, Jim Lalopoulos, Alison
* THE_MATH.HEL THE MATH PROBLEM FROM HELL Greedy Merchant A has fourteen bolts of cloth to sell. Each bolt of cloth is worth twenty dollars, and is either red, green, or gold. Greedy Merchant B also
* THREE.LWS 'The Adventures of Lone Wolf Scientific' An electronically syndicated series that follows the exploits of two madcap afficianadoes of high-technology. Copyright 1991 Michy Peshota. Ma
* TICKMOON.HUM No such file (View TICKET TO_ THE NMOON THE MOON 'It seems like everybody's got a story to tell.', I said. 'So I'll tell mine.' Back in '89, the government finally bega
* TIMETR.HUM Time Travel A Discussion Howard Ullman The possibilities of time travel have captured the imaginations of many people, most notably science-fiction writers. Indeed, time travel may be
* TND.1 ed Recently I have been getting more and more submissions of the 'Found Humour' type true life news, notes and experiences with a humourous bent. If I get a really good one, it goes d
* TOP10.ELF Top Ten Elf Pickup Lines 10. 'I'm down here' 9. 'Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm a sissy' 8. 'I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi' 7. 'I can get you
* TOP10.TXT Welcome to Late NIght with David Letterman, and donÕt forget that little bastard Paul and the worlds most dangerous band! DAVE LETTERMANS BEST TOP 10 FROM 1989 - (incomplete) Top 10 T
* TOP10ST1.TXT Subject Christmas PresentLots of Top 10 Lists Date Wed, 23 Dec 1992 184232 GMT For Chirstmas I decided to repost every Silly Top List and other Top 10 lists others posted since early
* TOP10ST2.TXT Subject More Chirstmas Present Top 10 lists (long) Date Wed, 23 Dec 1992 184321 GMT To NOEL CC Subj trek Return-Path darsieeecs.ucdavis.edu Received from madrone.eecs.ucdavis.edu by u
* TOPTEN.HUM L.U.C.I.P.H.E.R. presents. T O P T E N
* TOXCWAST.HUM No such file (View THE STORY OF TOXIC WASTE [=][=][=][=]=-THE STORY-=[=][=][=][=] [=][=][=][=]=- OF -=[=][=][=][=] [=][=][=][=]=- TOXIC -=[=][=][=][=] [=][=][=][=]=- WASTE -=[=][=][=
* TRANSP.TXT How to Build Your Own Transporter -Suprise friends ! -Great gag at parties ! (beats the lampshade bit) -No more car. That's right. Transporter technology has finally been accomplished
* TRASH!.HUM -=TRASH=- I'm sure that some of the funniest things you'll ever read come from trashy 'newspapers' like The Enquirer, The Star, etc. Well, just for fun, us down here at Pet Sematary t
* TREKWES.HUM From pasteur!ames!ll-xn!husc6!hao!boulder!cu-den!udenva!jtrim Sun Jan 24 180302 PST 1988 Article 9049 of rec.arts.startrek From jtrimudenva.cair.du.edu (Jeff Trim) Subject The NEXT, N
* TRIBBLE.HUM THAT'S DRIBBLE, TRIBLE! By Robert Brooks If conservative Republican U.S. Senator Paul S. Trible, Jr. (Virginia) has his way, the FBI may be watching when you log onto THE NATIONAL SAT
* TRUKDETH.TXT Stories About Trucks And D
* TRUTHLSD.HUM Excerpts from the non-fiction British edition of ALTERNATIVE III by Leslie Watkins - From the TV film by David Ambrose Christopher Miles. This is about the Horrifying Full Story behin
* TRUTHS.HUM How Do We Tell Truths that Might Hurt? - excerpts from a memo by Dr. E.W. Dijkstra - later printed in his book ' Selected Writings on Computing.' Programming is one of the most diffic
* TSHIRTS.JOK From gordgeac.UUCP Tue May 23 183007 1989 Subject T Shirt Collection Keywords chuckle, some sexual or mildly offensive Date 23 May 89 233007 GMT A Collection of T Shirt sayings -Son o
* TUFLIFE.TXT GETTING THROUGH LIFE'S TOUGH STAGES Being a baby is not much fun. You can't tell people what you want. No teeth, so you eat things like strained beets. No privacy. Your pants smell aw
* TURBO.HUM The turbo-encabulator in industry. For more then 50 years the Arthur D. Little Industrial Bulletin has endeavored to interpret scientific information in terms that he lay person could
* TWINKIE.TXT The Twinkie Therom The Real Story Uploaded by CHUD The basic twinkie therom states A. Twinkies are at a very high level of health possibility, and B. twinkies increase your brain pote
* TWINKIES.JOK Subject Re Twinkies Date 20 Apr 90 150303 GMT Twinkies don't have shelf lives, they have half lives of approximately 100 years. I have heard that bacteria just will not eat a twinkie,
* T_ZONE.JOK Subject Mission Impossible meets the Twilight Zone Date 7 Apr 90 103009 GMT Mission Impossible meets The Twilight Zone (Scene The city zoo, near the gorilla exhibit. Two gorillas are
* UNITS.MEA Article 1923 of eunet.jokes Subject Real bizarre units Date 14 Feb 89 015748 GMT References 337cui.UUCP 150kpdp.kpd.dk BJORNL.89Feb13095903octopus.tds.kth.se [found elsewhere] A kilom
* UNIV.ODD Subject Institutionalized Keywords funny, original Date Fri, 22 Jan 93 43013 EST Institutions of higher learning and/or research Auburn University. Brown University. Chrome Yellow Uni
* UN~1.HAP Here are some things to do when you're in a less than happy mood Free your spider collection. Grab someone's nose and don't let go. Threaten bunnies. Tailgate. Short-sheet the bed. Gn
* URBAN.TXT Official Usenet Alt.Folklore.Urban Frequently Posted Legends Call me Ishmael. Or don't, since it's not actually my name. This is alt.folklo
* VAGUEMAG.90S From MCC.COMwernersw.MCC.COMMCC.COM Fri Aug 4 085836 1989 Flags 000000000201 Subject _Vague_, the Magazine that Defines the 90's Keywords original, smirk Date 30 Jul 89 233005 GMT Dea
* VARIETY1.ASC STONEHENGE BBS ³ ³ SAN RAFAEL, CA. Your Sysop is John Chipps
* VARIETY2.ASC STONEHENGE BBS ³ ³ SAN RAFAEL, CA. Your Sysop is John Chipps
* VARIETY3.ASC STONEHENGE BBS ³ ³ SAN RAFAEL, CA. Your Sysop is John Chipps
* VARIOUS.TXT Info gleaned from various sources THE RELEASE OF THE COOPER MATERIAL There are many hazards regarding the exposing of information regarding UFOs. It has not been until quite recently
* VEGKILL.TXT IS KILLING VEGETABLES WRONG? It is a common metaphysical question to ask, 'If all living entities are spiritually equal, then why is it acceptable to eat grains, vegetab
* VOLTRON.HUM 'Have no fear They are only dreams' As we know, the future is as mysterious as it is exciting. From the beginning, people have tried to make life better. While at the same time, feari
* WAGIT.TXT W. A. G. I. T. WAGIT is looking for motivated WHITE individuals, who meet our strict requirements, to participate and aid other WAGITS in completing common goals. R
* WAGON.HUM You know its time to go on the wagon when You say to your wife ' honey if you can carry me to the car I'll drive You are on top of the empire state building and you try to step on an
* WAITRESS.TXT Waitresses After many hours of research in an uncountable number of restaurants and diners, I feel the need to alert the public about a threat to mental health that has gone unchecked
* WASHROOM.TXT - 20 Types You Meet In The Men's Room - 1. Excitable - Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts. 2. Sociable - Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not. 3. Cros
* WEDDING.HUM X marks the crook on her wedding tapes. The marriage began as a love story - but ended with a larceny. The young couple had hoped that a videotape of their wedding festivities would p
* WEIGHT.TXT The Russell Daily News, Monday, Feb. 24, 1992 GIVING NEW MEANING TO WORKING OUT WITH WEIGHTS Wichta (UPI) It was a Valentines Day to remember for a Wichita man who spent more than 12
* WELFARE.TXT Welfare Bloopers Fare Well The following excerpts are drawn from letters written by citizens applying for payments from a state welfare agency. Some readers might question my taste in
* WETDREAM.HUM 'Wet Dream in Atlantis' - It was April, the 41st, being a quadruple leap year, I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented sting-ra
* WHO.TXT DO YOU KNOW WHO. spent 4 days in sears looking for wheels for a miscarriage? took his pregnant wife to Dominoes pizza because he heard they had free delivery? looked in the lumber yar
* WHOON1ST.HUM Abbott Costello Who's on first? Abbott Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. The Yankee's manager gave me a job as coach for as long as your on the team. Costello Look Abbott
* WHOOPS.HUM WHOOPS!! We had one heckuva week last week here in the spaciously cramped office of The National Satirist. First, our practically brand new personal computer, outfitted with an amazin
* WHY-ME.HUM Twenty-five words or less - Why Me Lord? or Life is funny that way sometimes. Family Safety Health. Spring 1986. Mariyln Lucas of North Las Vegas, Nev. 'tried to rid her home of insec
* WIMPTEST.TXT Despite the fact that I pulled this offa Argus, it might be worth looking at. Dunkirk MANGLING IMPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS Copious research has conclusively shown that there are exactly
* WISCONSI.TXT WISCONSIN-ISMS A handy guide to the English language as spoken in Dairyland. A careful study of these terms is recommended before attempting conversation with the native cheese-heads.
* WOODBINE.TXT THE NEW WOODBINE PUSHOVER STAKES TIME Midnight DISTANCE All The Way PURSE $2.00
* WOODBUGS.TXT 101 Uses For Wood Bugs (those bugs that curl into a ball) By David Hooper Victoria, BC with a few suggestions from Snagglepuss 1 Play marbles with them 2 Paint green; a nutritious sub
* WOODSMOK.TXT 'Reno, Nevada. Hazardous smog levels yesterday forced county health officials to order a first-ever ban on wood-burning stoves and fireplaces that are part of winter home life here. /
* WOOLLY_M.AMM The following article is reproduced from the April 1984 issue of the MIT 'Technology Review,' page 85. Retrobreeding the Woolly Mammoth Last year in the Soviet Union, Dr. Sverbighooze
* WORD.HUM THIS FILE TYPED IN BY THE SYSOP OF THE GREEK INN BBS. PLEASE GIVE CREDIT IF POSTED ELSEWHERE. PERHAPS ONE OF THE MOST INTERESTING AND COLORFUL WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TODAY IS T
* WORLDEND.HUM The World Ended Yesterday = = = = by Don L. Tyler (c) 1985 by author, all rights reserved. Marty broke the eggs into the hot lecithin of the frying pan. (Lecithin instead of grease Ma
* WRDNWS1.TXT Weird News Volume One OH THOSE COPS!! - At a high-school basketball game in February, Oklahoma City Police officer Eldridge Wyatt became dissatisfied that no fouls were being called o
* WRDNWS2.TXT WEIRD NEWS VOLUME 2 PASTORAL WEIRD - The Reverend Glen Summerford was convicted in February of attempted murder of his wife in Scottsboro, Alabama. A jury found that he had forced his
* WRDNWS3.TXT WEIRD NEWS VOLUME 3 STATE SEX - Theaters in North Carolina recently began showing, as a short feature, a state-funded film advocating teenage sexual abstinence. In 'The Power To Creat
* WRDNWS4.TXT WEIRD NEWS VOLUME 4 CHILLIN - A 31 year old man turned himself in to Anchorage, Alaska, police in January claiming to be the fugitive 'Dr Diaper,' who has been appearing at local day
* WRDNWS5.TXT WEIRD NEWS VOLUME 5 OH BABY!! - John Dawson, 26, was arrested in South St. Paul, Minn, in February after the failure of his alleged elaborate scheme to have sex. Police say he broke i
* WRDNWS6.TXT WEIRD NEWS VOLUME 6 TAKE THE FIFTH!! - Bruce Damon, attempting to work a plea bargain in February to charges that he knocked off a bank in Whitman, Mass, argued to the judge that the
* WRDNWS7.TXT Weird News Volume 7 KING WEIRD - At the 80th birthday calebration for Kim Il-sug, the North Korean dictator received as gifts a container of blood from 800 snapping turtles (considere
* WRDNWS8.TXT Weird News Volume 8 BRAIN DEAD? - Havard University and McLean Hospital in Belmont, Mass, have established a center to analyse tissue from the brains of people who die after having su
* WRDNWS9.TXT Weird News Volume Nine A PLATEFULL OF SMOG? - Scientists at the California Institute of Technology reported recently that the hydrocarbons and other particulates released when meat co
* XIBOVAC.TXT Subject Xibo's Vacation (LONG) [Repost] Keywords mud angst xibo tank girl Date Sun, 20 Dec 92 032721 GMT Yes, Xibo knows I'm posting this. Send comments about the writing to Xibo at x
* XTERMIN8.HUM ~ Leech Extermination Guide Version One ~ By Xerox Zek
* Y.TXT Island Mediacal Lab Mediacl Dictionary Anally - occuring yearly Artery - study of paintings Bacteria - back door to cafeteria Barium - what doctors do when treatment fails Bowel - Let
* YJOHNCSE.HUM WHY JOHNNY CAN'T SELL A Business Report It starts out in the early years. Your son or daughter becomes involved in a project to raise funds for some activity or another and comes home
* YOGISAYS.TXT Yogi Sez Typed by the Gasman - 'It's Deja Vu all over again' - '(Explaining a loss) We made too many wrong mistakes' - 'The Game's not over until it's over' - 'You give 100 the first
* YUPPIES.HUM _ File 3 in an endless series _ What is a Yup
* ZEN.TXT A young and studious monk went his teacher and said, 'Teach me all about the Buddha nature.' His teacher pushed him on the ground. The next day the student returned to his teacher, sa
* ZGTOILET.TXT ZERO GRAVITY TOILET Passengers are required to read instruction before use. 1. The toilet is of the standard Zero-gravity type. Depending on requirements, system A and/or system B can
* ZODIAC.HUM CAPRICORN (DEC22-JAN20) YOU ARE CONSSERVATIVE AND AFRAID OF TAKING RISKS. YOU ARE BASICALLY CHICKEN SHIT. THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A CAPRICORN OF ANY IMPORTANTANCE. YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSE

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