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><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> the glue ball bbs----------312-465-hack ><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> barney badass's b-files --------------------------------------- //////////////b-file #1//////////////// the code of the verbal warrior,or, barney's bitch war manual so you log onto a board and make a bee-line for your favorite sub-board.some people love pirate boards,some people like phreak boards. my passion is the trusty old standby,the bitch board. so you get in the 'argument den', or 'discussion board',or'nuclear bitch- fare'and start looking around for someone who you think you can out-rank.you know,insult,cut down,and generally verbally abuse. and so you post,and,next thing you know,somebody appears to hate your guts. you've got an enemy. now what? the main problem with 85% of all bitching that goes on on boards today, is that people just don't know how to handle the answer to that question. now what? do i keep it up? do i give up? do i insult his mother? barney's bitch tip #1------- make up yor mind. either take the bitching completely seriously,or do not take it seriously at all. if you find yourself grinning at insults thrown at you by your opponent,then either cut it out immediately,or try grinning even wider when you're typing your reply. the benefit of this is that you can't be affected one way or the other by any thing that your opponent says.if you're taking it seriously,then you just keep glaring at your monitor,and remain determined to grind the little filth into submission. if you're using the lighthearted approach,then it's pretty dif- ficult to get annoyed by any kind of reference towards your mother/some chains/and the family dog,because,remember,you're not taking this seriously! barney's bitch tip #2-------- make damn well sure that you're not falling into a trap. what's a trap? well,a trap is something that someone in a position of power(usually a sysop) sets when he/she thinks you need to be 'put in your place'. i could not tell you about this if i had not experienced it myself..so learn from my own mistake --lord chaos,sysop of utopia bbs is not to be trusted. probably no sysop who is under the age of 18 and starts their name with 'lord' is to be trusted,but that's a different story. (nothing per- sonal,pat.) more on traps later. barney's bitch tip#3-------- to bitch effectively and with class, you need a certain talent. you either have it or you don't,and that talent is the ability to write. think of it this way-if you don't think that you could write something like...well,let's see-well,something like a g-file,then chances are you are going to be made to look rather silly. a general rule of thumb concerning bitching is,the better the command of the english lan- guage,the better the bitching. and i'm not talking about the infamous john- athan lewin school of saturate-the- enemy-with-3.8-metric-tons-of-extreme- ly-long-words,but rather the instinct to know when to be direct;ie-'so-and-so ,eat shit and die',or to be a bit more clever like:'what does so-and-so and the male sex organ have in common? they're both dicks!'. not the best ex- ample,but you should be getting the point. barney's bitch tip#4------- this is tied in with tip #3--well-pol- ished writing skills are a must,but almost equally as important is the ab- ility to spell. for myself,nothing assures me of victory more than seeing the misguided fool who took me on spell like a romper room dropout. the most common screw ups(and the most sick- ening) are along the lines of spelling you're,'your',and other such blatant gaffes. 3 lines into a message and you can tell immediately if you are deal- ing with an idiot. but,in the same vein ,be careful at how quick you judge-- typing errors are different than spel- ling errors...even i stopped editing my msgs.(except in real extreme cases) months ago. the key to looking good when bitching is to know your oppon- ent's weaknesses. if spelling is one, then exploit it mercilessly. but you'd better make damn well sure that he doesn't catch you doing the same thing. barney's bitch tip#5------- *the advantages and disadvantages of multiple wars.* when bitching with victory in mind,it is vital that you retain control in the exchange-i.e.;make him respond to you more than you respond to him,get and stay in the position where you can con- sistently talk down to your opponent, things like that. control is the key. lose it,and you're in trouble. an efficient way to keep control on your side,is,of course,thru having al- lies(if the opponent is particularly tough). my word on this is as follows; when bringing neutrals into a 1-on-1 war,you'd better make damn well sure who you're dealing with,just as you should know the ins and outs of your opponent. bbs'ers are fickle,fickle people. ------------------------- ------ the reason i underline this is because i can't possibly stress this enough. in other words,a little paranoia never hurt anybody--trust practically no-one. when assuming this attitude,you can save face if a verbal dagger flung from the keyboard of a once-ally hap- pens to find its way to your back. unfortunately,there's nothing much even the best bitcher can do when dealt odds stacked by the bitchers most cov- ert enemy:the sysop. the sysop and the sysop alone has the power to set the trap that no hi-egoed verbal soldier can escape from...if he/she feels like it,the target could find himself facing; mysteriously disappearing messages a strange and sudden lack of allies and,an army of new opponents,never seen or heard of before.... these tactics,are,of course,the trap that i referred to back in tip#2-- using this method,the sysop and his cronies(the new opponents,a few of which are undoubtedly the sysop him- self),once you,as the bitcher have taken up the false challenge,proceed to flood the bitch board with messages ,and while yours mysteriously go bye- bye,wow! you've 'lost'! it is this type of'loss'that is inesc- cpable. if you're good enough,you can figure out the scam before you look too stupid,but your rep(if you have one) is damaged.know your sysop like you would know your enemy! he may be your enemy! -- barney's bitch tip#6--------- using the above methods,you should now be able to definitively tell the class of your opponent. but you should also know the class of the conflict you are in. in my experience,there are 3 types of conflicts. **gee,barney,what are those 3 types?** well,i'm glad you asked that-they are; discussions,arguments and wars discussions usually are free of any hate(real or simulated),and usually center around relatively minor topics. a good example of a discussion would be something like;'does big business des- erve the millions of dollars damage we hacks and phreaks cause it every week? well,we all know the answer to that,but it's still a good example of a pot- ential discussion. an argument is something like the clas- sic oct-nov '84 greek inn bbs election discussion--is ronald reagan extremely dangerous or just incredibly stupid? as you can tell,something like that is bound to bring about some strong verb- age,but usually not directed against one specific user of the board from an- other user. wars are the exchanges where you find out such interesting things as'your mom still owes me money for the 10 minutes of heaven i gave her last night',or, 'your dad told me to tell you that he can't find the whip,so you can't sleep with him tonight',or similar 10-year- old level sickening drivel.when you hapen onto a war like this,just do your best not to parachute down to the level that most bitchers are on,and carry on in the tradition of wit,not shit.good,fun,and funny wars have in- telligent bitchers. be one,don't just watch! so that about ends this b-file #1-my personal war manual. hope you found it ever-so-educational....look for fur- ther b-files in the coming weeks. oh, and just so you know,these are the verbal warriors of chicago--the ones to beat; myself,vid kidz,scarlet armadillo,rum runner,and radical rick. good day. ======================================= barney badass's b-files////b-file#1 nov. 1984 ======================================= call the university bbs- check bbs list for # (if you dig these b-files,and want them for your board,or perhaps wish to con- tact me,leave feedback on the : glue ball bbs->->312-465-hack barney. =/=/surfware/=/=/= =/=/=/defoliants/=/=/=/= v e r b a l ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _ ___ _ the _ _ __ P>rogressive U>nderground And as this textfile | ||__ \ | | | | | ||_ \ D>issidents rolls off the screen, | | __) )| | | | | | \ \ 3 1 3 - 4 3 3 - 3 1 6 4 you realize instantly | ||___/ | | | | | | ) ) 300/1200 Baud the place to get more | | | |___| | | | _/ / 20 Megs of TextFiles like it.. |_| \_____/ |_||__/ SysOp: Mr. Pez

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